This summer I attended a conference for The American Association of Sex Educators, counselors, & Therapists www.AASECT.org

A beautiful presentation was made by Dr. Gina Ogden.www.GinaOgden.com

Dr. Ogden was the first person to really study the heart and soul of sex in the biggest survey of its kind.

It is called the ISIS Survery. (Integrating Sexuality & Spirituality)

3,810-the number of women and men who answered the ISIS survey giving us a whole new window into what makes sex cosmic! ! !

18 - 86-the age range of ISIS respondents

78-the percent who say, “Sex is much more than intercourse; it involves all of me-body, mind, heart, and soul.”

32-the percent who say sexual desire has been a source of guilt

68-the percent who’ve experienced sexual ecstasy

86-the percent who say a spiritual element is necessary for sexual satisfaction

27-the percent who experienced sexual abuse in childhood

81-the percent who say honesty and sharing deep feelings help sex feel spiritual

63-the percent who say letting go of control helps sex feel spiritual

61-the percent who say safety is important to their sexual well-being

4,412-the number of times ISIS respondents mentioned spiritual, emotional, and relational aspects of sexual experience

23-the number of times ISIS respondents mentioned genital stimulation and intercourse.

You can take the ISIS Survery http://www.womanspirit.net/ISIS_Survey.pdf

You can listen to Dr. Ogden’s interview at http://personallifemedia.com/podcasts/tantra-kama-sutra/episode020-gina-ogden-cosmic-sex.html

Warmth and blessings,
Francesca

Hi dear hearts,

About 10 years, ago I met Sylvia at a Pagan Festival at a beautiful clothing optional retreat center - Harbin Hot Springs. http://www.harbin.org/

I immediately noticed her beauty, and her prana/energy. That weekend, I was transported, through her words & drumming, on an empowering shamanic journey of breath and spirit.

I was lying next to a beautiful man with flowing golden hair. Later he would become my lover. As we deepened our breathing and synchronized our hearts to the drum my whole body began to shake in ecstatic Kriya’s of energy.

You can find out more about Sylvia at http://www.tantricshamanism.com/

OR on her interview at http://www.personallifemedia.com/podcasts/tantra-kama-sutra/episode021-sylvia-brallier-sacred-techniques.html

Warmth and blessings,
Francesca

HI dears,

I’m just back from a 4 day Greek Eleusinian Mysteries Training. What are the Eleusinian Mysteries?

For thousands of years (up to 300 AD) they were the premiere Shamanic Initiation of the West. It was said that after experiencing these mysteries one would never fear death again.

You can find out more about the Ancient Mysteries at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eleusinian_Mysteries

The modern version is a re-creation (based on archeological shards) of the Ancient. It is initiated because one cannot read about it or talk about it and receive the transformation. Like sexuality itself, one can discuss it, and even watch it but once we engage in sex our lives change.

This past weekend was about losing and finding my center, my self, and miscelleanous stuff. My tent was flooded and I ended up sharing with other participants and moving my stuff 5 times. Along the way, I felt so displaced, so lost, so without a home. I thought, “it feels like I don’t belong anywhere.”

But then I had a realization . . . what if all this transitioning meant that I could belong everywhere?

Suddenly, it just didn’t have to be black or white, good or bad, for or against. I could stay open to the gift in each experience. Something inside me shifted.

This perspective of Non-duality (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nondualism) is essential to the heart of Tantra. Prior to this weekend, it had eluded me. What a gift to have it brought home.

In my daily life, my beloved was thinking of teaching ESL in a foreign country. I had been so angry with him and had perceived it as an abandonment. With the gift of nonduality, I could look outside the box. What if this adventure of his would become an opportunity for me to travel? What if we could both grow and deepen with the extension?

A practice of non-duality is to ask yourself:

- What if it was both this and that?

Let me know your adventures in non-duality.

May we be the peace we wish to see in the world,
Francesca

Well, you’ve heard of kinky. Yes?

Tie me up. Tie me down. . . kind of kinky. The kind that has us thinking of dungeons, blind folds, whips, and leather. Having a kink is when we are exclusively focused on specific types of sexual behavior to get aroused.

While the world of BDSM may be delicious for some, it just wasn’t my thing. Actually, it took me quite awhile to figure out my Turn On because so few people talk about it.

I tried - BDSM - 3somes - making love while others watched - erotic dance - all the sexual positions and orifices - polyamory - cheating - pornography - sex parties. Something was missing.

At times I could get a high, a rush. At times I felt a compulsion. But what I didn’t get was “full”, at peace, at ease, met, or fulfilled. I loved the highs but they were always followed by the lows. Or an unending drive for MORE. . .

I began to sense that part of my sexuality was a drive to perform, or to make someone happy, or to addict someone to me, or to get high, or to prove that I was worthwhile. I noticed it was challenging to release control to another. I noticed that I would often stick around for being treated poorly if the sex was good.

The ways I was used to having sex, or thought people usually wanted to have sex started to feel off.

All the while certain books that combined a sense of spirit and eroticism drew me.

I began to experiment with slowing down, looking into my partners eyes during sex, trying to feel how they were feeling during sex, slow music, slow breathing. My biggest breakthrough came when I attended two (women only) workshops put on by www.BodyElectric.org

In Body Electric workshops I was led through exercises of sensual awakening, erotic pleasuring, dance, and genital talk. They taught in ways to make it clear that there were givers/providers and receivers.

I discovered that when I was a giver that I was centered, calm, heart open, released of agenda. I felt like the goddess open to the Night Sky and ALL that is.

However, when I was the receiver it was a different story. I was scared. Tender. Shut down. I looked at the women who were going to touch me and I said “Before you touch me, can you tell me authentically that you feel present to love for me.” They said yes.

Then I asked them to hold my hands and speak affirmations and appreciations about me and my body. We did that for 5 to 10 minutes before it felt right to be touched. The whole experience went glacially slow yet exquisitely perfect.

The realizations I learned from slowing down to receive were shattering in the best ways:

I realized that I had spent years rushing into sex as a way to avoid intimacy.

I realized that I had spent years searching for a high instead of healing.

I realized that what moved me in sexuality was the intention, heart, and spirit of the person touching me, caressing me, fondling me, or sexing me.

I realized that as a child I had no choice about the way I was touched or treated but that as an adult I had been colluding with my lovers in my own abuse. (Abuse meaning allowing myself to be touched and sexed in ways that were not integrated, authentic, healing, and nutritive for my heart, body, mind, and spirit.)

WOW!

When I returned from the workshops, I re-introduced my vulva to my lover. I transformed the way I made love and it has been mind-blowing.

Using techniques from Tantra, Taoist sexuality, cross cultural sacred sexuality, and deeply authentic intuition, NOW each lovemaking encounter is timeless, healing, expansive, connective, and simply divine. I feel so seen, so heard, so understood, so met, and fulfilled.

I can also bring healing, expansiveness, and reconnection to my beloved.

When we speak of energy, we are talking about the electro-chemical system of the body. Every thought sends a pulse of electricity and string of chemicals through our system. We feel it internally and we resonate with it (like a vibrational field) externally.

In Tantra, every act of sex tunes us into our 2nd Chakra which is all about creation, connection, and creativity. Each sexual act is an act of creating something. What we create ultimately is based on what we think.

Slowing our breath, clearing our mind, and opening our heart brings us into the field of intention where in magic and healing occur.

It’s not what you do, it’s the mindfulness with which you do it. It’s your energy, baby, that makes all the difference.

Anyone else out there Energy Kinky like me?

For 3 years, I co-led a Temple of Sacred Sexuality, Sexual Healing, and Sacred Relationship at Burning Man www.BurningMan.com

It was called The Temple of Ishtar www.IshtarTemple.org We held private sessions, rituals, puja’s, dances, ritual theatre, and workshops.

What I learned was:

- The world is in need of sexual healing, and heart healing (the two go hand in genitals.)

- This stuff works!
It works to teach, dance, commune, and care. Lives are transformed. Hearts are opened. Sexuality is expanded.

- The inner reflects the outer.
As priest/esses we were successful in bringing healing to others to the extent that we were doing our own healing.

After 3 years, I felt complete with bringing a Temple to the desert. I felt called to bring it home to the “real world.”

The HIDDEN TEMPLE

Today, my Temple isn’t as blatant as the one in Black Rock City. It is in me, and I carry it with me where ever I go.

If you are seeking a Temple Healer, teacher, or training for yourself or your relationship, they are out there. You may wish to join www.IshtarTemple.org for more information.

A great book is “Women of the Light” by Kenneth Ray Stubbs
http://www.amazon.com/Women-Light-New-Sacred-Prostitute/dp/0939263122

Blessings on your path,
Francesca

Hi dear hearts,

Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie. We see them partying, pretty, in and out of jail. Seeking something. On a high to low, stash and crash cycle.

I can relate to their experience. (You too?) Not only because of my own bouts with running on high, but because research shows that Male or Female we seek:

- Pleasure
- Self worth
- Belonging
- Touch
- Enjoyment

If we don’t know how or where to look, if we have little discernment, no boundaries, and inner pain, we can turn to:

- Drugs
- Sex
- Crowds
- Performance

in order to run away from what aches inside.

It’s never enough. Sooner or later, we crash.

With Tantric relationship and sexuality practices we:

- Develop the courage to show up authentically

- The compassion for ourselves and others

- Slow down to savor all our feelings and sensations

- Come home to our body and soul

I wish I knew someone who was close to those girls. I wish someone had the foresight, oomph, and wisdom to give them the information on bliss that lasts.

In the meantime, I send them my prayers.

Warmth and blessings,
Francesca

Tantra is a magical practice of intention, energy, heart & spirit that make all of life blissful, beautiful and easeful.

How can we bring this into dating?

What is a date?

In the Old Days. . . a date was the way 2 people got to know one another or interviewed one another in the dance of courtship. Fun really. No pressure.

After the sexual revolution of the 60’s, a date became a euphemism for having sex OR there was always the question. . .

- Will she have sex with me because I spent money on a date?
OR
- Will he expect sex with me because he has spent money on me?

It got very confusing at that point. Some women refused to have dates or to let a man pay for them. Some men refused to pay for dates and expected sex just because. . .

For the past 20 years, my clients and workshop participants (male and female) have told me about this confusion, hurt feelings, miscommunications, and shattered expectations.

I believe that the way through the confusion is to practice Tantra while dating.

IF YOU ARE SINGLE:

- Be present

- Clear the mind

- Gently and moderately open the heart to the unique preciousness of this person

- Release expectations

- Keep boundaries, limits (of time, money, and energy) and discernment

- Go slowly

- Create situations that you enjoy AND that the other person might enjoy. A good meal. A walk in the park. Kite flying. Roller skating.

- Keep your mind and your heart in the present.

- Then each moment is a gift.

If the date was a delight. Have another. Trust that each precious moment is building a scrap book of wonderful memories.

IF YOU ARE PARTNERED. . . set a time aside for a Tantric Date.

- Create a beautiful environment

- Slow down

- Relax and breathe from the belly

- Release expectations

- See the soul (the precious being) in one another’s eyes

- Touch slowly and with savoring

- Clear the mind, open the heart, stay present

This TANTRA DATING is a leap of faith. We trust that our needs will be fulfilled when we open our hearts with grace, discernment, kindness, compassion, and boundaries. It is magic.

We treat one another with kindness and joy and SURPRISE that treat us that way back. Or we let them go with a prayer of blessing. Sometimes the best answer is no.

If you are frustrated with your love life - - -try it. You’ll be pleasantly surprised.

You can even look for Tantra Workshops to find a Tantra Practice Partner (that’s how Patricia and Michael met. Listen to their interview.) Or you can take your partner to a Tantra Workshop for couples as your date.

Enjoy the love,
Francesca

We are all drawn to vitality and confidence.

We are all drawn to energy and enthusiasm.

We are all drawn to someone who unconditionally thinks we are wonderful.

To be that high energy person who radiates good will, we first tune into energy.

Energy is everywhere. Everything is imbued with spirit. When we deepen our breath, quiet our mind, and sense we feel it.

Energy is literally the life force, the electrical/chemical imprint of something (or even each thought).

Notice how some places, homes, trees, wells, art objects or people just arouse a feeling of happiness or well being in you. That is you sensing a welcoming or nourishing spirit.

Notice how some people, places, and things inspire feelings of dis-ease, or depletion in you. That is you sensing a spirit that is wounded, or negative.

If you are emotionally close to a friend or partner, ask their permission, then move your hand up and down their spinal column (about 3 to 5 inches away from it). Notice sensations of hot or cold in your hand or images or sounds you feel/hear as you do this.

We all have a muscle of INtuition inside us. We can all strengthen this muscle. When we strengthen it, we become more empathic, insightful, connected, and better lovers.

Have you felt energy?

How do you nourish it?

How do you stop yourself from becoming depleted?

Share!

Lovingly,
Francesca

Hi dear hearts,

I promised to give you more shares from my recent magical journey to the Hawaiian islands.

VIBRANT HAWAII:
The Hawaiian Islands are some of the newest and most vibrant land on the earth. In fact, due to the flowing nature of their volcano’s their are ongoingly being birthed. There is an aliveness in the spirit of the land, sea, air, fire there. A sacredness. (One definition of SACRED: Awareness of the precious soul force in a place, thing, or being.)

SHAMANIC PERSPECTIVE:
In the Shamanistic Perspective, all things are alive and have chi, spirit, prana, mana, ashe, energy. The Divine is imbued in all things. There is a dance or interaction between each being and element in the earth. A flow. A synchrodestiny. A soul river.

When we choose to become aware of ourselves as Shaman, we choose to train our awareness of sensation, intuition, gut knowing, the hairs on the back of our skin, Inner Knowing, dreams, and energy.

This awareness is not about EGO. Or “Oh, great and powerful me who knows better or more than others.

This awareness is about SOUL. Or ” Breathing. Slowing down. Trusting the still, small voice of the soul to guide us to “right action.”

I am an initiated Shaman in 4 traditions, yet I live in a modern mechanistic, objectifying world. It is a challenge to stay present to the Inner Aliveness of the Soul in all things. Yet, that is where I find love, connection, bliss, union, communion and yes SACRED SEXUALITY.

I will be sharing many shamanic tales of my trip to Hawai’i with you. The first. . .

KANALOA: THE GOD OF THE SEA

I have always loved the water. Warm baths. Refreshing pools. Briny oceans. As a youngling, my family lived by Lake Michigan, belonged to a country club, and traveled to the Caribbean in winter. I was always near or in the water. It felt like coming home.

The first time each year that I returned to the summer pool, I would dive deep, hold my breath, and spend time reconnecting with the water. I would look up through the prisms of wavering fluid and imagine I lived there. When other people had flying dreams, my dreams were of living beneath the sea.

In my 20’s, I was called to the path of Priestess and Shaman. My 2nd initiation was as a Daughter of Yemaya (the Afro-Brazilian and Yoruba Goddess of the Sea.) Since then, whenever I have been traveling to a new ocean, I have done a ritual there in honor of Her.

This my 4th time in Maui (and to be my first time in the Big Island of Hawai’i) something surprising happened.

Dear hearts, it’s later than I feel comfortable with tonite. After traveling so much, my house is calling to me to clean, to rest, and to sleep. I hope we will connect in the sacred land of dreams.

More on the journey to meet the God of the Sea. . . soon.

Love & blessings,
Francesca

It’s been a very long day, yet who can complain?

My beloved I left the house at 5am Pacific Standard Time to catch a flight to Maui, Hawaii. Time becomes surreal. Flights are late. Our bed and breakfast overlooking the sea has no cell coverage.

By 3pm Maui time (6pm California time) we are seeking “good signal” for my phone interview with “Sex Talk” radio w/ Andrea Miller (http://www.wbgufm.com/tunein.php). The show airs live 10pm to Midnite Eastern Standard Time. I recommend it.

I sit in the car looking out at the beach and phone into to Andrea. It is intimately dark and late in the East Coast for my listeners. It is glowing and bright, yet filled with sultry tropical breezes where I am talking in Hawaii. Perhaps we meet and meld between the dark and sensuous.

Andrea and her cohorts (two wonderful men) add spice to the questions and comments. We discuss sacred sex, becoming the lover they never forget, how to remember what your lover likes, sexual healing with a beloved and much more.

Two weeks ago, when I was interviewed on Playboy Radio, it was a challenge to bring the focus of the conversation to the sacred. This past Friday on Sex Talk radio the sacred erotic was nourished and unveiled with ease.

What was the difference?

My sense is that in the Playboy (and the porn perspective), the body is viewed as parts, and a tool for pleasure. Something like a car. “How can we get this vehicle to run better, and at faster speeds?”

Knowing about the mechanics of the body is very important for beautiful sex.

To create great sex, it’s important to find out, get training, and ask questions such as:

What is the clitoris? G-spot? Prostrate? How do I touch them in pleasing and arousing manners? How do hormone imbalances affect sex drive for men and women? What lubricants are most effective? Etc. (ASK ME - I’m happy to give you resources and suggestions).

What most folks don’t know is that a knowledge of the mechanics of a car will not make you a world class Formula 1 race car driver. World class athletes are intuitive, know how to work with “flow,” and even meld (or be one) with their vehicle (as in a car or horse).

World class sacred lovers have a more expanded perspective. They study the body mechanics available in the West. They also study Taoist sexual wellness and balancing techniques. They also take on practices to expand consciousness, presence, heart, and energy intuition.

One of the greatest crimes of perception in our culture is that men should be porn star studs, always hard & ready, detached from their emotional truths, and have figured out how to “get some” by the time they are teens.

This “power over” the cock mentality, is heirarchical and dominator based. “I should give commands and everything should obey me.” It leads to much of the suffering in our world in so many ways. Not just “hey cock, sit up, roll over, stand up straight, be a man” BS but “Hey you, obey authority. Go to war. Forget your heart. Don’t feel. Be a man. ” BS.

(Note: To women reading this. Be aware that we often collude with men to keep them detached from their hearts. I recommend “The Men We Never Knew: Healing the Emotional Lives of Men” by Daphne Rose Kingma)

The Mage of Love (and I am blessed to be mated with one know and have partnered with several) knows that each beloved is a new instrument of love, a new discovery, a new fertile ground to be adored. The Mage of Love has the courage to open his heart, his intuition, and his senses to new learning.

The Mage of Love intends to be a healing experience to each lover. The Mage of Love is also on a journey to care for his own healing. The Mage of Love is not concerned if he is flaccid (not engorged). He trusts that as he connects heart, body, breath, mind, and spirit the tumescence will be there. And if it is not, it is time to discuss or connect more fully with his beloved in other ways. (I will be writing a blog or essay about “The Intuitive Phallus).

There is more about my 6 days of spiritual sensual journey in Hawaii to be revealed. I hope you join with me in it.

More to come:
- Sexual healing session with my beloved
- Meeting the God of the Sea
- Discovering a reincarnated Precious Priestess of Love

Loving you,
Francesca