Hi dear heart,

Pleasure is good

I think of Sacred Sex like cooking a good dish. It takes good ingredients, experimentation
and time.

Set aside at least 45 minutes to an hour when Sacred Love Cooking with yourself
or others.

Start with some ingredients:

- A body (your own, yours & a lovers, or more)

- Add pleasure.

Experimentation and knowledge can lead to pleasure. Pleasure is a great ingredient.
Each of us has our own preferences for how we like to be touched, caressed, kissed,
petted, fondled, and stroked.

- Then add heart.

By heart, I mean noticing and nurturing the feelings of appreciation, compassion,
care, like, gratitude, empathy and love we feel for others (and ourself). In American
Tantra (which I recommend trying) it is recommended to gently gaze into the eyes
of your lover to form that soul to soul connection.

- Then slow cook it and simmer.

We do this by caressing the whole body slowly. Breathing deeply & slowly into
the belly. Relax the jaw. Stay present - What that means is keep breathing slowly
and keep noticing each sensation and emotion. If your eyes close - that is fine
- then open them again to gaze kindly into the eyes of the beloved. Keep breathing
slowly. Notice what is tense in your body and relax it.

Sacred Sex (especially when you are first learning) is a dish best cooked slowly
and without rushing.

Most people just use sex to “get off.” They fuck themselves or one another.
It’s all about pleasure and sensation. That’s fine and fun. And there is
so much more.

When we slow down a bit and add heart and honor all the emotions, something shifts.

When we first start in Sacred Sexuality alot of emotions may arise (sadness, fear,
anger, irritation, joy, bliss). They are all fine. Just keep breathing into them.
Like weather, they will keep shifting and flowing.

When we slow down even more, breathe more slowly, open even further to recognizing
the preciousness in another person and ourselves, and connect more deeply time expands,
feeling expands, sensation flows throughout the whole body with each touch. Eventually,
(with practice) we melt into the Allness. Some call it The Divine.

I recommend the videos:

- Ancient Secrets of Sexual Ecstacy

- Sacred Sexuality

You also might enjoy listening to my interview with Lisa Schrader on Tantric Lovemaking: Slow Cooking & Heating IT Up! http://personallifemedia.com/podcasts/225-sex-tantra-and-kama-sutra/episodes/3358-tantric-lovemaking-slow-cooking-heating

Welcome,
Francesca

After interviewing Alan Davidson, it’s more likely that I will spend more time talking to my body. Alan is an enticing inspiration. Now I know to ask:

How is my heart?
Quiet. Open. Somewhat guarded. Missing my beloved.

How is my vulva?
Shy. Sleepy. Warm.

How is my mind?
Gentle. Diffuse. Channeling the words to you.

How is my gut?
Beginning to let me know she is hungry.

What feels right to do right now?
Finish writing you. Go get some food.

These are the questions that I am remembering to ask every moment. Especially in bed. If I want to be truly present to my erotic sensations, and love, I must have the courage to ask the tough questions and listen to the answers.

Alan tells an amazing story of being overweight, sex-addicted, and wildly unsatisfied then turning his life around to be an amazing model of health, passion, compassion, and success.

You can listen at http://www.personallifemedia.com/podcasts/tantra-kama-sutra/episode026-alan-davidson-sacred-sexual-attraction.html

You can find out more about Alan at http://www.throughyourbody.com/

Let me know what you think.

Lovingly,
Francesca

Hi dear hearts,

Hallow E’en. Or Hallowed Evening is based upon the Celtic Holy Day of Samhain. Samhain means November in Gaelic. Hallow E’en is seen as the ending of summer and the beginning of winter (The Celts had 2 seasons).

Many European cultural traditions, in particular Celtic cultures, hold that Halloween is one of the liminal times of the year when spirits can make contact with the physical world, and when magic is most potent. (Wikepedia) It is also referred to as “the veil between the worlds” being thin. The veils between past & present, death & rebirth, known and unknown, magical & mundane.

It is considered a beneficial time to:
- Honor, heal, contact, request guidance from, and/or forgive the ancestors
- Peform divination
- Make prayers to become pregnant in the coming year
- Contact the Faery Folk

It is considered a possibly dangerous time because wandering spirits or ghosts might be abroad and unsettled. So, at this time, when some being comes visiting, you will want to give them a gift or sweet. Otherwise, they may become irritated and do you harm. (Trick or Treat).

American Tantra can involve the use of consciousness, energy, intention, breath, lighting candles, prayers, and presencing the Divine. These can all be pieces of ritual that bring greater magic, peace, healing, and pleasure into your life any day and especially on Holy Days.

To have a Tantric Halloween:

- Light incense or heat pot pourri in water. Use scents of cinamon, cloves, nutmeg, or any spices that remind you of harvest.

- Fill your bedroom with candles. White for purity. Orange for empowerment. Green for healing or prosperity.

- Put on music that is beautiful and melodic. Chill music. Cello music. Whatever takes you on a journey of heart & body in a sensuous way.

- Craft a Hallow E’en intention for your lovemaking session (with self or beloved).

Examples:
“May this lovemaking fill my soul with guidance and wisdom from the Ancestors.
OR May this lovemaking bring a child into my life in the coming year.
OR May this lovemaking open my spirit to the magic of existence.
OR May this lovemaking lead me into a powerful vision or insightful dream.” Etc.

- To presence the Divine: See if you can glimpse the spark of eternal soul in the eyes of your beloved (or if with yourself - in your own eyes). If you like, you can also say a prayer to The Divine in what ever way nourishes your spirit.

Take your time. Caress the entire body with long, loving strokes. Head to toe. Dance with your hands. Slide across your beloved or wriggle on your own sheets. Undulate (rocking your pelvis). Keep breathing deeply into a relaxed belly. Relax your jaw. Notice thoughts and let them go. Breathe into your heart. Envision people around the world lighting bonfires. Dancing. Inviting the wisdom of the Ancestors. Slowly begin to engage with the genitals and continue to caress the entire body. Focusing at times with your hand on the heart chakra and 3rd eye (just above and between the eyebrows.)

When (after at least 1/2 an hour) one of you, yourself, your beloved, or together begin to rise toward orgasm, remember your intention. Hold it in your mind and heart as the arousal builds and is released. (This does take practice. Holding it in your mind as long as you can is still beneficial.)

After ejaculation, injaculations, climaxes, and/or orgasms. Continue to breathe into a relaxed belly and with a relaxed jaw. Spoon with your beloved. And place one hand on their heart chakra. Or, if with yourself, place one hand on your own heart chakra. Invite a dream of guidance, healing or blessing, as your drift into sleep.

This ritual can take place anytime between the Full Moon closest to October 31st and within a week after October 31st.

For more information, or to receive coaching on crafting Love Rituals in your life, please contact me.

May your life be blessed,
Francesca

This summer I attended a conference for The American Association of Sex Educators, counselors, & Therapists www.AASECT.org

A beautiful presentation was made by Dr. Gina Ogden.www.GinaOgden.com

Dr. Ogden was the first person to really study the heart and soul of sex in the biggest survey of its kind.

It is called the ISIS Survery. (Integrating Sexuality & Spirituality)

3,810-the number of women and men who answered the ISIS survey giving us a whole new window into what makes sex cosmic! ! !

18 - 86-the age range of ISIS respondents

78-the percent who say, “Sex is much more than intercourse; it involves all of me-body, mind, heart, and soul.”

32-the percent who say sexual desire has been a source of guilt

68-the percent who’ve experienced sexual ecstasy

86-the percent who say a spiritual element is necessary for sexual satisfaction

27-the percent who experienced sexual abuse in childhood

81-the percent who say honesty and sharing deep feelings help sex feel spiritual

63-the percent who say letting go of control helps sex feel spiritual

61-the percent who say safety is important to their sexual well-being

4,412-the number of times ISIS respondents mentioned spiritual, emotional, and relational aspects of sexual experience

23-the number of times ISIS respondents mentioned genital stimulation and intercourse.

You can take the ISIS Survery http://www.womanspirit.net/ISIS_Survey.pdf

You can listen to Dr. Ogden’s interview at http://personallifemedia.com/podcasts/tantra-kama-sutra/episode020-gina-ogden-cosmic-sex.html

Warmth and blessings,
Francesca

Hi dear hearts,

About 10 years, ago I met Sylvia at a Pagan Festival at a beautiful clothing optional retreat center - Harbin Hot Springs. http://www.harbin.org/

I immediately noticed her beauty, and her prana/energy. That weekend, I was transported, through her words & drumming, on an empowering shamanic journey of breath and spirit.

I was lying next to a beautiful man with flowing golden hair. Later he would become my lover. As we deepened our breathing and synchronized our hearts to the drum my whole body began to shake in ecstatic Kriya’s of energy.

You can find out more about Sylvia at http://www.tantricshamanism.com/

OR on her interview at http://www.personallifemedia.com/podcasts/tantra-kama-sutra/episode021-sylvia-brallier-sacred-techniques.html

Warmth and blessings,
Francesca

HI dears,

I’m just back from a 4 day Greek Eleusinian Mysteries Training. What are the Eleusinian Mysteries?

For thousands of years (up to 300 AD) they were the premiere Shamanic Initiation of the West. It was said that after experiencing these mysteries one would never fear death again.

You can find out more about the Ancient Mysteries at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eleusinian_Mysteries

The modern version is a re-creation (based on archeological shards) of the Ancient. It is initiated because one cannot read about it or talk about it and receive the transformation. Like sexuality itself, one can discuss it, and even watch it but once we engage in sex our lives change.

This past weekend was about losing and finding my center, my self, and miscelleanous stuff. My tent was flooded and I ended up sharing with other participants and moving my stuff 5 times. Along the way, I felt so displaced, so lost, so without a home. I thought, “it feels like I don’t belong anywhere.”

But then I had a realization . . . what if all this transitioning meant that I could belong everywhere?

Suddenly, it just didn’t have to be black or white, good or bad, for or against. I could stay open to the gift in each experience. Something inside me shifted.

This perspective of Non-duality (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nondualism) is essential to the heart of Tantra. Prior to this weekend, it had eluded me. What a gift to have it brought home.

In my daily life, my beloved was thinking of teaching ESL in a foreign country. I had been so angry with him and had perceived it as an abandonment. With the gift of nonduality, I could look outside the box. What if this adventure of his would become an opportunity for me to travel? What if we could both grow and deepen with the extension?

A practice of non-duality is to ask yourself:

- What if it was both this and that?

Let me know your adventures in non-duality.

May we be the peace we wish to see in the world,
Francesca

Well, you’ve heard of kinky. Yes?

Tie me up. Tie me down. . . kind of kinky. The kind that has us thinking of dungeons, blind folds, whips, and leather. Having a kink is when we are exclusively focused on specific types of sexual behavior to get aroused.

While the world of BDSM may be delicious for some, it just wasn’t my thing. Actually, it took me quite awhile to figure out my Turn On because so few people talk about it.

I tried - BDSM - 3somes - making love while others watched - erotic dance - all the sexual positions and orifices - polyamory - cheating - pornography - sex parties. Something was missing.

At times I could get a high, a rush. At times I felt a compulsion. But what I didn’t get was “full”, at peace, at ease, met, or fulfilled. I loved the highs but they were always followed by the lows. Or an unending drive for MORE. . .

I began to sense that part of my sexuality was a drive to perform, or to make someone happy, or to addict someone to me, or to get high, or to prove that I was worthwhile. I noticed it was challenging to release control to another. I noticed that I would often stick around for being treated poorly if the sex was good.

The ways I was used to having sex, or thought people usually wanted to have sex started to feel off.

All the while certain books that combined a sense of spirit and eroticism drew me.

I began to experiment with slowing down, looking into my partners eyes during sex, trying to feel how they were feeling during sex, slow music, slow breathing. My biggest breakthrough came when I attended two (women only) workshops put on by www.BodyElectric.org

In Body Electric workshops I was led through exercises of sensual awakening, erotic pleasuring, dance, and genital talk. They taught in ways to make it clear that there were givers/providers and receivers.

I discovered that when I was a giver that I was centered, calm, heart open, released of agenda. I felt like the goddess open to the Night Sky and ALL that is.

However, when I was the receiver it was a different story. I was scared. Tender. Shut down. I looked at the women who were going to touch me and I said “Before you touch me, can you tell me authentically that you feel present to love for me.” They said yes.

Then I asked them to hold my hands and speak affirmations and appreciations about me and my body. We did that for 5 to 10 minutes before it felt right to be touched. The whole experience went glacially slow yet exquisitely perfect.

The realizations I learned from slowing down to receive were shattering in the best ways:

I realized that I had spent years rushing into sex as a way to avoid intimacy.

I realized that I had spent years searching for a high instead of healing.

I realized that what moved me in sexuality was the intention, heart, and spirit of the person touching me, caressing me, fondling me, or sexing me.

I realized that as a child I had no choice about the way I was touched or treated but that as an adult I had been colluding with my lovers in my own abuse. (Abuse meaning allowing myself to be touched and sexed in ways that were not integrated, authentic, healing, and nutritive for my heart, body, mind, and spirit.)

WOW!

When I returned from the workshops, I re-introduced my vulva to my lover. I transformed the way I made love and it has been mind-blowing.

Using techniques from Tantra, Taoist sexuality, cross cultural sacred sexuality, and deeply authentic intuition, NOW each lovemaking encounter is timeless, healing, expansive, connective, and simply divine. I feel so seen, so heard, so understood, so met, and fulfilled.

I can also bring healing, expansiveness, and reconnection to my beloved.

When we speak of energy, we are talking about the electro-chemical system of the body. Every thought sends a pulse of electricity and string of chemicals through our system. We feel it internally and we resonate with it (like a vibrational field) externally.

In Tantra, every act of sex tunes us into our 2nd Chakra which is all about creation, connection, and creativity. Each sexual act is an act of creating something. What we create ultimately is based on what we think.

Slowing our breath, clearing our mind, and opening our heart brings us into the field of intention where in magic and healing occur.

It’s not what you do, it’s the mindfulness with which you do it. It’s your energy, baby, that makes all the difference.

Anyone else out there Energy Kinky like me?

For 3 years, I co-led a Temple of Sacred Sexuality, Sexual Healing, and Sacred Relationship at Burning Man www.BurningMan.com

It was called The Temple of Ishtar www.IshtarTemple.org We held private sessions, rituals, puja’s, dances, ritual theatre, and workshops.

What I learned was:

- The world is in need of sexual healing, and heart healing (the two go hand in genitals.)

- This stuff works!
It works to teach, dance, commune, and care. Lives are transformed. Hearts are opened. Sexuality is expanded.

- The inner reflects the outer.
As priest/esses we were successful in bringing healing to others to the extent that we were doing our own healing.

After 3 years, I felt complete with bringing a Temple to the desert. I felt called to bring it home to the “real world.”

The HIDDEN TEMPLE

Today, my Temple isn’t as blatant as the one in Black Rock City. It is in me, and I carry it with me where ever I go.

If you are seeking a Temple Healer, teacher, or training for yourself or your relationship, they are out there. You may wish to join www.IshtarTemple.org for more information.

A great book is “Women of the Light” by Kenneth Ray Stubbs
http://www.amazon.com/Women-Light-New-Sacred-Prostitute/dp/0939263122

Blessings on your path,
Francesca

Hi dear hearts,

Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie. We see them partying, pretty, in and out of jail. Seeking something. On a high to low, stash and crash cycle.

I can relate to their experience. (You too?) Not only because of my own bouts with running on high, but because research shows that Male or Female we seek:

- Pleasure
- Self worth
- Belonging
- Touch
- Enjoyment

If we don’t know how or where to look, if we have little discernment, no boundaries, and inner pain, we can turn to:

- Drugs
- Sex
- Crowds
- Performance

in order to run away from what aches inside.

It’s never enough. Sooner or later, we crash.

With Tantric relationship and sexuality practices we:

- Develop the courage to show up authentically

- The compassion for ourselves and others

- Slow down to savor all our feelings and sensations

- Come home to our body and soul

I wish I knew someone who was close to those girls. I wish someone had the foresight, oomph, and wisdom to give them the information on bliss that lasts.

In the meantime, I send them my prayers.

Warmth and blessings,
Francesca

Tantra is a magical practice of intention, energy, heart & spirit that make all of life blissful, beautiful and easeful.

How can we bring this into dating?

What is a date?

In the Old Days. . . a date was the way 2 people got to know one another or interviewed one another in the dance of courtship. Fun really. No pressure.

After the sexual revolution of the 60’s, a date became a euphemism for having sex OR there was always the question. . .

- Will she have sex with me because I spent money on a date?
OR
- Will he expect sex with me because he has spent money on me?

It got very confusing at that point. Some women refused to have dates or to let a man pay for them. Some men refused to pay for dates and expected sex just because. . .

For the past 20 years, my clients and workshop participants (male and female) have told me about this confusion, hurt feelings, miscommunications, and shattered expectations.

I believe that the way through the confusion is to practice Tantra while dating.

IF YOU ARE SINGLE:

- Be present

- Clear the mind

- Gently and moderately open the heart to the unique preciousness of this person

- Release expectations

- Keep boundaries, limits (of time, money, and energy) and discernment

- Go slowly

- Create situations that you enjoy AND that the other person might enjoy. A good meal. A walk in the park. Kite flying. Roller skating.

- Keep your mind and your heart in the present.

- Then each moment is a gift.

If the date was a delight. Have another. Trust that each precious moment is building a scrap book of wonderful memories.

IF YOU ARE PARTNERED. . . set a time aside for a Tantric Date.

- Create a beautiful environment

- Slow down

- Relax and breathe from the belly

- Release expectations

- See the soul (the precious being) in one another’s eyes

- Touch slowly and with savoring

- Clear the mind, open the heart, stay present

This TANTRA DATING is a leap of faith. We trust that our needs will be fulfilled when we open our hearts with grace, discernment, kindness, compassion, and boundaries. It is magic.

We treat one another with kindness and joy and SURPRISE that treat us that way back. Or we let them go with a prayer of blessing. Sometimes the best answer is no.

If you are frustrated with your love life - - -try it. You’ll be pleasantly surprised.

You can even look for Tantra Workshops to find a Tantra Practice Partner (that’s how Patricia and Michael met. Listen to their interview.) Or you can take your partner to a Tantra Workshop for couples as your date.

Enjoy the love,
Francesca