I posted this to The American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors & Therapists www.AASECT.org when they had a question on refractory periods in men. What are they? What is normal?

FYI: Refractory Period is the name for how long it takes a man to be capable of getting an erection & ejaculating again, AFTER he has already ejaculated.

Do you find that your life data replicates mine?

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Oh, my. I’m about to “out” myself again. And if you can’t do it over 50, when can you

I’ve had over 100 lovers (from around the world) and 13 significant (live-in, committed, at least 2 year) partnerships. I think of it as my own Statistical Sampling of data. Up close and personal, I got to see how things work (or don’t), attempt methods of intervention, and develop theories. I think of myself as an ongoing Field
Researcher of life. Any other Life Field Researchers out there?

I’ve been informally coaching my friends in relationship & sexuality since my teens. Hearing lots of intimate details about sexuality. And formally doing it for the past 10 years. Hearing lots of intimate details about sexuality and being paid to do it. I’ve also studied and trained in relationships, communication, and sexuality for over 20 years.

What I have experienced and read:

- There is a refractory period

- Why it varies from man to man:

> Genetic hormonal patterning (cortisol, testestorone, adrenals)

> Fatigue and/or illness

> Alchohol/drugs

> Level of extended arousal prior to ejaculation. Being in high states of arousal for over 45 minutes raises testerone for up to 24 hours.

> Age (this goes back to hormonal patterning)

> Social conditioning (Emotional wounds, expectations, pressure, blocks) The software of the brain affecting the hardware of the body.

> The way a man has learned (or not learned) to work with his PC muscle, breath, and sexual energy

> Whether or not he is “in-love” (This also goes back to how his body responds to the “chemical cocktail” we call love and/or infatuation)

There is a wide variation that is considered normal.

Most men will have increased libido, and reduced refractory period under the influence of “Being In Love.”

Due to the change in hormone levels, most men will have a longer refractory period as the age.

If a man has a shorter or longer refractory period than he likes he can often shift
it by:

- Working with a physician who specializes in hormones (Anti-aging specialists, Stress medicine, sports medicine, preventative medicine)

- Working in an informal bio-feedback modality of raising awareness of breath, arousal, blood flow and using techniques like meditation, taoist sexuality etc.

- Working with a clinician, sexuality coach, sacred intimate, to release cultural blocks or emotional wounding around the body, aging, emotions and/or sexuality

Kind regards,
Francesca