Body acceptance (or lack there of) can play a key role in the ability to truly open to sensuality, pleasure, and sexuality.

If I am filled with critical thoughts about my body. I won’t be present nor enthusiastic about any body based encounters. Sadly, it is extremely common in our culture for people to feel critical about their own body or others.

How many times have I heard women say that they were afraid of being naked with a partner, or of certain sexual positions because they feared it would make them look fat.

As a young girl, raised in a culture with highly conflicting and negative mesages about the body and about sexuality, I became ashamed and frightened of my body. I would dress and undress in the dark so that I wouldn’t have to see it. I would wear layers and layers of clothing. Pantyhose, underwear and pants. I was concerned about the smells and secretions of my body.

I began a slow, gentle journey to turn this around. These are some steps I recommend to attain BODY ACCEPTANCE:

- When changing, take a moment (as long as you can) to notice your naked body. While you are taking that moment, or longer, feel your feet on the ground and breath into a relaxed belly. Say to yourself, my body is sacred (or precious, or mine, or my temple, or holy, or alive.) Breathe.

- Overtime, gently increase the amount of time spent gently looking at your body.

- If negative and criticizing thoughts arise, notice them and let them go. LIke the everchanging news at the bottom of the CNN screen. Like the sound of traffic going by.

- When taking a bath or shower, slow down. Breathe. (Prepare in advance by purchasing soaps, or shower gels whose fragrance pleases your nose.) Feel you feet on the floor of the shower if standing or your body supported by the tub, if lying down. Smell the lovely scent of the soap. Then slowly massage your entire body. Breathe. Say to yourself: Thank you for being my body. Thank you for carrying me all these years. Thank you for being alive. Thank you for being my container in this life.

- If negative and criticizing thoughts arise, notice them and let them go. LIke the everchanging news at the bottom of the CNN screen. Like the sound of traffic going by.

- If you currently, masturbate, slow down and expand the process. Turn off the computer, or TV. Put down the magazine or book. (Prepare in advance by purchasing oils or lotions whose fragrance and slickness is pleasing). I recommend laying down on a couch or bed. Put on some music that is slow, melodic, sultry jazz, chill, slow world grooves.

- Turn down the lights if it is night time and light candles. Feel your body supported by the bed. Then slowly massage your entire body. Breathe. Say to yourself: Thank you for being my body. Thank you for carrying me all these years. Thank you for being alive. Thank you for being my container in this life.

- See if you can notice one (or more) things about your body that are nice, handsome, attractive. Great places to start are often the eyes, ears, lips, the base of the neck, hands. Take extra time massaging these parts of the body. Say to yourself. Thank you for being handsome, strong, fit, powerful, etc.

- If negative and criticizing thoughts arise, notice them and let them go. LIke the everchanging news at the bottom of the CNN screen. Like the sound of traffic going by.

- In this process, start by massaging and stroking the ENTIRE body. Hair and feet. Face and fingers as well. Eventually include the genitals. Include them yet continue to massage and stroke the entire body. Keep breathing. Relax the jaw and belly. Keep breathing and imagine the energy of the sensual and arousing is moving and flowing throughout the entire body. See if you can extend and expand the feelings of arousal heightening them and then slightly reducing them. Take as long as feels comfortable to ride the waves of arousal.

- As the feeling of arousal intensifies place one hand on the “heart chakra.” This is located in the center of the chest on the same latitude as the heart. Imagine that there is a connection, a pathway that runs from the heart to the genitals. When it feels appropriate ejaculate.

- If you have any female friends, ask one of them if she would accompany you to buy some new clothes that look good on your body. Let her know your price range. (It’s possible to re-do your wardrobe even at the Goodwill.) When you know your clothes are great and you look good in them, it’s even more fun to take them off.

- Look into hot tubs, hot springs, and nudist camps in your area. Some hot tubbing places have a group area. Some hot springs are clothing optional. The first time you go, wear a bathing suit. When you feel comfortable take it off. Notice how many sizes and shapes men and women’s bodies have. Notice that your body is just one of the many sizes and shapes.

- If negative and criticizing thoughts arise, notice them and let them go. LIke the everchanging news at the bottom of the CNN screen. Like the sound of traffic going by.

One of the greatest blocks to intimacy with ourselves or others is the Inner or Outer Critic. (The part of our persona that is constantly criticizing, and complaining about ourselves or others.) It is totally possible to learn to notice this aspect of ourselves, thank it for sharing, and let it go. (Time and time and time again). Another tip with the Critic, is to ask yourself what it is you WOULD LIKE.

Instead of “my body is so ugly.” Try ” I am learning to appreciate and celebrate the unique body that I have.”

Instead of “no one can accept me.” Try ” As I accept myself, the world accepts and appreciates me.”

Many blessings on his journey,
Francesca