HI dear hearts,

I just got off the phone being interviewed by Ginger and Christy of Playboy Radio www.PlayboyRadio.com. They are two adorable adult film stars with a passion for sexual knowledge and experience.

Just a few key points we reviewed. Tantric sex:

- Can be raw and primal

- Surfs the erotic, heart, mind, spirit connection between two people and the universe

- Offers multiple orgasms to both men and women

- Allows us to slow down, relax, release anxiety, and performance pressure

- Encourages expressing what we desire, fantasize, long for, and want more of

- Is enhanced by belly breathing, and looking kindly into one another’s eyes

- Invites creativity, experimentation, open mindedness while tenderly holding the needs of one’s partner

- Looks for the win/win erotic experience

- Releases attachment to performance, “doing”, goal, while embracing the senses, full body pleasure, expanded erotic states, and mind blowing - heart open connection

- Is benefited by practice, play, workshops, study, and training

- Invites “Taking the Lead” by being confident, authentically and courageously present to your heart, and creative with a sense of strength. We all enjoy confidence, vitality, heart connection with a smidge of the primal passion.

- Allows for better and better sexual intimate connection throughout our lifetime

SOME NOTES ABOUT WOMEN:

- Only 10 - 30% of women have orgasms through vaginal intercourse alone. It is no one’s fault if this is the case. Many women have a clitoris that is placed far enough from her vaginal opening that it is not stimulated during intercourse. (Your hand, her hand, or a vibrator during intercourse can make a world of difference.)

- Most women do not know where their g-spot is nor what a g-spot ejaculation feels like. This can be a great opportunity for tender, slow, playful experimentation. Many women will feel tenderness, or even sadness the first time their g-spot is stimulated. This is because the body holds trauma and many women have stored it there.

- 30 - 40% of women have been molested or sexually abused by the time they are 18. It is additive to know this and to be gentle, and tender while being confident, and trustworthy.

- Most women think there is something flawed about their appearance. Thinking this distracts them from fully enjoying the sexual experience. Praise your beloved in specific ways, regularly. She is not fishing for compliments. She is trying to fill the broken sense of her self beauty which has been punctured by fashion magazines.

- Most women are taught that to be bold and take charge in bed is to be labeled a slut, or to be shamed. If you want your beloved to “take you”, let her know that you adore her and would love to be played like an instrument by her touch. Encourage her to let her creative primal priestess of love out to play.

Love and blessings on your Erotic Journey. Send me your questions!
Francesca

Body acceptance (or lack there of) can play a key role in the ability to truly open to sensuality, pleasure, and sexuality.

If I am filled with critical thoughts about my body. I won’t be present nor enthusiastic about any body based encounters. Sadly, it is extremely common in our culture for people to feel critical about their own body or others.

How many times have I heard women say that they were afraid of being naked with a partner, or of certain sexual positions because they feared it would make them look fat.

As a young girl, raised in a culture with highly conflicting and negative mesages about the body and about sexuality, I became ashamed and frightened of my body. I would dress and undress in the dark so that I wouldn’t have to see it. I would wear layers and layers of clothing. Pantyhose, underwear and pants. I was concerned about the smells and secretions of my body.

I began a slow, gentle journey to turn this around. These are some steps I recommend to attain BODY ACCEPTANCE:

- When changing, take a moment (as long as you can) to notice your naked body. While you are taking that moment, or longer, feel your feet on the ground and breath into a relaxed belly. Say to yourself, my body is sacred (or precious, or mine, or my temple, or holy, or alive.) Breathe.

- Overtime, gently increase the amount of time spent gently looking at your body.

- If negative and criticizing thoughts arise, notice them and let them go. LIke the everchanging news at the bottom of the CNN screen. Like the sound of traffic going by.

- When taking a bath or shower, slow down. Breathe. (Prepare in advance by purchasing soaps, or shower gels whose fragrance pleases your nose.) Feel you feet on the floor of the shower if standing or your body supported by the tub, if lying down. Smell the lovely scent of the soap. Then slowly massage your entire body. Breathe. Say to yourself: Thank you for being my body. Thank you for carrying me all these years. Thank you for being alive. Thank you for being my container in this life.

- If negative and criticizing thoughts arise, notice them and let them go. LIke the everchanging news at the bottom of the CNN screen. Like the sound of traffic going by.

- If you currently, masturbate, slow down and expand the process. Turn off the computer, or TV. Put down the magazine or book. (Prepare in advance by purchasing oils or lotions whose fragrance and slickness is pleasing). I recommend laying down on a couch or bed. Put on some music that is slow, melodic, sultry jazz, chill, slow world grooves.

- Turn down the lights if it is night time and light candles. Feel your body supported by the bed. Then slowly massage your entire body. Breathe. Say to yourself: Thank you for being my body. Thank you for carrying me all these years. Thank you for being alive. Thank you for being my container in this life.

- See if you can notice one (or more) things about your body that are nice, handsome, attractive. Great places to start are often the eyes, ears, lips, the base of the neck, hands. Take extra time massaging these parts of the body. Say to yourself. Thank you for being handsome, strong, fit, powerful, etc.

- If negative and criticizing thoughts arise, notice them and let them go. LIke the everchanging news at the bottom of the CNN screen. Like the sound of traffic going by.

- In this process, start by massaging and stroking the ENTIRE body. Hair and feet. Face and fingers as well. Eventually include the genitals. Include them yet continue to massage and stroke the entire body. Keep breathing. Relax the jaw and belly. Keep breathing and imagine the energy of the sensual and arousing is moving and flowing throughout the entire body. See if you can extend and expand the feelings of arousal heightening them and then slightly reducing them. Take as long as feels comfortable to ride the waves of arousal.

- As the feeling of arousal intensifies place one hand on the “heart chakra.” This is located in the center of the chest on the same latitude as the heart. Imagine that there is a connection, a pathway that runs from the heart to the genitals. When it feels appropriate ejaculate.

- If you have any female friends, ask one of them if she would accompany you to buy some new clothes that look good on your body. Let her know your price range. (It’s possible to re-do your wardrobe even at the Goodwill.) When you know your clothes are great and you look good in them, it’s even more fun to take them off.

- Look into hot tubs, hot springs, and nudist camps in your area. Some hot tubbing places have a group area. Some hot springs are clothing optional. The first time you go, wear a bathing suit. When you feel comfortable take it off. Notice how many sizes and shapes men and women’s bodies have. Notice that your body is just one of the many sizes and shapes.

- If negative and criticizing thoughts arise, notice them and let them go. LIke the everchanging news at the bottom of the CNN screen. Like the sound of traffic going by.

One of the greatest blocks to intimacy with ourselves or others is the Inner or Outer Critic. (The part of our persona that is constantly criticizing, and complaining about ourselves or others.) It is totally possible to learn to notice this aspect of ourselves, thank it for sharing, and let it go. (Time and time and time again). Another tip with the Critic, is to ask yourself what it is you WOULD LIKE.

Instead of “my body is so ugly.” Try ” I am learning to appreciate and celebrate the unique body that I have.”

Instead of “no one can accept me.” Try ” As I accept myself, the world accepts and appreciates me.”

Many blessings on his journey,
Francesca

Hi dear hearts,

One definition of the sanskrit word TANTRA is “the weave.”

Tantra is a spiritual path whose goal is the unconditional and loving acceptance of THE ALL.

When we weave with one another of our hearts, thoughts, arousal, dreams, and intentions we can create healing and magic.

If you are inspired by this topic, this blog, or this show, please link me to your website or blog. “Digg” me. Review this on I-tunes and/or link to Technorati.

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Please let me know at any time how I may support your journey to Sacred Love.

Warmth and blessings,
Francesca

Hi dear hearts,

I just found a great site http://www.alternativehealingtoday.com/?s=tantra

They have a wonderful article on Tantric Massage. By and large I agree with so much in the post.

For instance:

“One of the major benefits of tantra massage is spiritual awakening. According to some tantra experts, once the massage is performed, the receivers will eventually feel a sense of sacredness in their every gesture, every sensory perception and every action. They will be able to appreciate the experience of sexuality and sensuality as a conscious meditation, as a flowing together of the physical, erotic and cosmic energies. Based on the tantric philosophy, it is this spiritual awareness actually that holds the greatest source of energy in the universe. The ideas behind this therapeutic is indeed highly philosophical.”

They attribute this type of massage to one person in the 1980’s. This would not be true. Tantric massage has been known for centuries. However, all it takes is one person to truly popularize a concept.

In ancient times, the Chinese studied touch, and sexual positions as a form of bringing healing to the body through balancing the Chi (or energy.) This type of sexuality is actually known as “Taoist Sexuality.”

In todays world it takes training and consciousness to be able to provide this beautifully connective and nourishing form of touch. I recommend googling:

- Sensuous Touch or Massage
- Sacred Touch or Massage
- Healing Touch or Massage
- Tantric Touch or Massage

I also recommend the video “Ancient Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy.”

In some ways Tantric Touch can be simple.

- Breathe into a relaxed belly.
- Relax the jaw.
- Imagine with each breath your heart (and emotional connection to the person) is opening.
- Imagine with each breath that your mind is clearing and quietening.
- Imagine that the energy of your touch can reach beneath the skin into the heart, and healing souls of the person you are touching.
- Remember or notice what you love about them. Touch them while thinking these loving thoughts.
- In your mind, (or aloud) say things such as: You are precious. You are beautiful. I love you. My touch is healing. May the Divine be present in my touch. May my touch not only move your body and soul.

Experiment from a place of curiousity, loving kindness, and healing intention. Let me know what you discover.

Lovingly,
Francesca

Hi dear hearts,

I’m writing to you from North Carolina where I am about to teach “Becoming the Lover They Never Forget.” Then on Wednesday I’ll be attending a conference for “The American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists.

This past Saturday night, I had the magical opportunity of visiting Robert & Julia Roskind catalysts of the Rasta Message of One Love, in their lovely home in the Blue Ridge Mountains. http://www.rastaheart.com/

Before visiting them, I did not know about the true meaning of conscious reggae, rasta and the message of “One Love.” The essence of ONE LOVE is so very similar to Sacred Sex. It is a heart, body, mind, spirit, Eros way of looking at the world. Integrated. Whole. Holistic. Holy.

In a world without the sacred. . . well we know what that world looks like. It’s the one we’ve got.

In a world where in we are present to the sacred, I touch you, I touch your soul. I see you, I see your heart. I honor you, I honor your spirit. You. Me. The children. The elderly. The poor. The animals. Or as the Native Americans say . . . “All my relations.”

One of the most delightful things about Robert & Julia, aside from the clear spirits, winning smiles, and generous natures, is that they were “called” to make a positive difference in the world without training, degrees, or cultural credetials. Two middle aged white folks, have been called by spirit to support indigenous peoples to bring the message of love back to a planet on the verge of self-destruction.

On a bad day, I wonder if I have what it takes to bring peace and beauty to the sexual & love relations of men and women. Meeting Robert & Julia reminded me that if I have “the call” I will be given the connections and led on the path of its fullfillment. Each of us who have the call will be given the connections and led on the path of its fulfillment.

With almost 7 billion people on the planet, there are almost 7 billion ways to bring more love and peace. What is yours?

Each day, I am more and more convinced that it is bringing back this CONSCIOUSNESS OF THE SACRED (which belongs to all spiritual paths) that our world will thrive. Thank you for being on this journey with me.

Warmth and blessings always,
Francesca

Well honeys,

I spent the last 10 years in the Wilder Shores of Eros exploring what works and what doesn’t.

One thing that DOES WORK.

BREATHE!

Relax the jaw.

Relax the belly.

Put your hand on your belly, and breathe in a long, slow relaxed manner just to get the hang of it. GOAL: To have your belly rise BEFORE your chest when inhaling. To have your chest sink first, then the belly when exhaling. (Once you get skilled at this, and while lovemaking, you won’t need to use your hand to remind yourself).

I use this technique every time I make love to my Divine Beloved.

This will bring more pleasure into the entire body and blood flow into the genitals.

Rapid breathing has a tendency to increase the rush to orgasm.

In general, Tantric Texts advise:

Women can breathe a bit faster into that relaxed belly.

Men can breathe slower.

Experiment (while making love with yourself or another). Be conscious, present, and aware of each moment. The flow of energy, sensation, and intimacy changes moment to moment.

Let us know how it goes.

Lovingly,
Francesca

Thank you for being a Sacred Sexual Journeyer, like me.

Over the past 10 years, I have spent quite a bit of time in “sex positive” communities. There I have found people that are tired of the messages they have gotten in our culture that sex, aging, emotions, and the body itself are bad.

They are making the effort and taking the time to change their internal conditioning. Often, the first topic of “bad” messaging that they take on changing is the attitude toward sex.

With reading, experimentation, workshops, and in new communities they begin to shift.
If you were a fly on the wall in these groups you might hear phrases like:

- I used to think my pussy or cock was ugly, now I think s/he is beautiful

- I used to hate or be afraid of sex, now I love fucking and coming

- I used to be afraid of my own pleasure or desire, now I can’t get enough of it

- I’m so happy I’ve found other cocks, dicks, cunts, and pussies that love to fuck, love pleasure, love coming, like me.

- My clitoris and vagina used to feel numb, now I can feel so much pleasure. I just want more. I love that men want to “do” me and give me pleasure.

- I didn’t know how to “do” a vagina, clitoris, or g-spot. Now, I do and I’m so proud of myself. I want to “do” more pussies. I want to show off my talent and feel her pleasure.

It is wonderful that we can train ourselves to shift from hating our own desires and genitals into celebrating pleasure. However, many people will stop there never realizing their is so much more deliciousness to be discovered.

The deliciousness that I’m talking about is SACRED sexuality.

Sacred sexuality includes pleasure, experimentation, discovery, and play yet it goes further and is more holistic and healing.

In Sacred sexuality, we learn to celebrate our emotional truth, our whole bodies, our aging, our vulnerability, and our own greatness. We learn to do that for our beloved.

We become integrated, real, alive, authentic, and connected to spirit. We love and celebrate the whole package (darkness and light of light, love, aging, emotions and the body).

We deepen into compassion for ourselves and others. We learn to relax and breathe all our feelings and pleasures throughout our whole bodies.

We discover the courage (strong heart) to deepen in love and intimacy. We learn to speak our desires, and boundaries with clarity, fairness, win/win and compassion.

We open to loving ourselves, one another, and the Divine. We rebuild trust in ourselves, one another, and the world. Sex becomes a prayerful dance, poetry, and a love poem. A session of Sacred Sexuality with our beloved nourishes our heart, body, mind, spirit and erotic nature for days.

Word are important in Sacred Sexuality. Words are magic, invocation, evocation, and the power of naming.

Words like cunt, pussy, cock, dick, can be shaming or arousing. Many of them contain harsh consonants (the “k” sound) or past associations which are not pleasant.

Words like:

MALE: magic wand, life giving tree, seed bearer, pleasure giver, life force, vajra, lingam, beloved phallus

FEMALE: pleasure portal, well of life, jewel of the lotus, sacred garden, sacred well of pleasure, yoni, beloved vulva

do not hold shame. They are words of love. Words of honor. Words of invocation.

When we are sex negative, we don’t want to talk about, or to, our genitals at all.

When we are sex positive, we work at reclaiming fuck words.

When we are Sacred Sexual, our hearts open to awe, appreciation, and tenderness. We speak to our beloved’s genitals with praise, honor, and love.

Oh my genitalia, you beautiful source of life itself.

Thank you for bringing me pleasure and connecting me to my passion.

You are my radiant guide to integration and wholiness.

Thank you for the times you have been sad, angry, conflicted, confused, numb, or in pain. Your feelings of suffering have led me into the journey of my bliss.

Oh your beautiful genitals, you are a wonder and a delight to my soul.

Your power and fragility move me.

You capacity for pleasure astounds me.

I am blessed to share with you this journey of life, of love, of divinity, and death.

Thank you for each moment you share your life with me.

What love letter would you write to your genitals or that of your beloveds?

The whole “love thing” is interesting.

I’ve been a people pleasing co-dependent who lost my own sense of self in looking
for the love and approval of others.

I’ve been a love/sex addict who used the high of the chemicals released during infatuation to try to reduce the suffering I felt inside.

Eventually, I got tired of being “at the effect” of my internal body chemicals
(falling in love) and societal conditioning (true love must be a constant easy high).

I studied the science of love, that is how our lower brain functions are chemically
wired to respond to new stimuli.

The science of love is based on the evolutionary intention (prime directive) to
f*ck and make babies. Falling in love or being attracted to someone is literally
designed by the body to have us lose our higher brain functioning. Our body gets
flooded by chemicals (drugs) that make us feel high, intense, merged, and aroused
when we are around or thinking about the perceived catalyst (person).

And, I’ve studied the soul of love. The soul of love is the deep inquiry as to why a soul might choose to have a bodily experience (no matter how messy) and what might the divine intention be.

The science of love is just that, science. It is clinically provable.

The soul of love can’t be dissected in a laboratory. Yet, I believe it is the
underlying reason, and most powerful possibility of why we go through the trials
and tantalizations of the love experience.

Since the brain is both hardwire (that reptilian brain chemistry) and software (the
moment to moment code writing of experience to our frontal lobes), I chose to retrain
myself to be a Shaman of the Sexual and a Priestess of Love. What that means to
me is that today I get to be “at choice” about who I love, how much, and
conscious of the journey my soul is taking to contribute and be contributed to.

I used the principals found in studies on biofeedback, and visualization. Studies
that showed that the mind/body can not tell the difference between a dream, an intense
visualization, and “the real thing.” Therefore we can choose our thoughts
and visualizations. When we choose what we think and visuazlize, we change our life
and love outcomes and experiences..

I found this retraining work required a great deal of determination and discipline
(for me.) Similar perhaps to a commitment to work out physically and change one’s
body composition.

These days when I notice, I am either attracted or repulsed by someone, I take the
time to just notice and breathe. I trust that my soul has invited me to notice them.
I believe that there is something for me to give and something for me to receive.
I no longer trust that my initial perception of attraction or repulsion “means”
anything about who they are or our “destiny” together.

I practice clearing the mind and opening the heart.

I go slowly so as to maintain consciousness and awareness of this tender life journey
in which we are engaged. I go slowly so as to maintain a consciousness and awareness
of the pulls and drives of my lower brain functioning and to stay in control of
them.

It is similar concept to that in the Tarot card called “The Chariot.” The Chariot card depicts a charioteer who is standing in a chariot and who guides a black and a white horse. This card invites us to be aware of the darkness and light, the power and surrenders that pull us.
The Chariot card encourages us to be the charioteer who drives and balances the
instincts and emotions that underlie our existence.

In so doing, I have been able to maintain and grow deep intimacy in relationship
for the first time in my life. (Old pattern: Fall in love. Merge. Later, come off
the Love Drugs in my body. Blame the other person for letting me down. Break up.
Took about 2 years.)

In doing so, I have been able to be more present, non-judgmental and compassionate
with each human being.

Cool!

What have you discovered on life’s journey?

Warmth and blessings,
Francesca