The sultry chanteuse, Pilar, sings:

“I’m naked and taken in a trusting so deep. I’m never forsaken as I fall into sleep”

In each of us there is a longing to be taken.

Someone inside each of us wishes to trust so fully that we can surrender completely, at last, to pleasure, love, and the divinely erotic life force itself.

Trust is the key here.

Most of us have been betrayed, rejected, shamed, neglected, demeaned, or hurt by one we loved at sometime - yes?

After each hurt, we become a little more distant, more dis-integrated, more walled off from sensation, creation, penetration, and relation.

We lose the knowing and ability to open Trusts’ doors and windows. We love partially alive, encased in a dark, numb, anxiety ridden place.

In the longing to find surrender to Divine Bliss, or to find the our own ability to be The Guide to Divine Passion, some of us will experiment with love’s wilder sides hoping to blast past our own inhibitions. Instead, we may find addiction and the ever increasing hunger for MORE.

Some will harvest the fruits from love’s wilder shores and bring them home to nourish the hearth. We will develop trust in ourselves and learn to bring healing the hurting hearts of others.

Perhaps, like me, you have been fantasizing for years that the Ideally Intuitive Lover would come along. No one has ever seemed good enough. After the high of new love or new experience, there comes the eventual “let down.”

Perhaps, like me, you have wondered what to do with this unfulfilled longing and lack of trust in another human being.

Priestess Mirae told me. . .

“To have the longing, is to have the vision. To have the vision, is to have the calling to become that for which we long.”

When I received this “teaching” I began to research, read, experiment, explore, and train in BEING the Mage of Love.

Something weird happened. I began to love being the Erotic Guide. I stopped making my lover’s wrong when they weren’t mind readers. My relationships got better.

Cool!

Do I still periodically long to be taken by another on a journey of soulful surrender into my own bliss?

YES!

And each time I feel the longing, I choose to use it as a catalyst to go deeper into my own ability to BE a Sorceress of the Sensual.

For instance, this past weekend I felt the desire to surrender. I reminded myself that my beloved probably had no idea that I wanted to be soulfully ravished, with tender ferocity. No what that might look like.

I laid him down on soft flannel sheets and began to caress his body from top to toe, from sensation to essence with long luxurious pets. (Remember, long strokes release the Relaxation Chemical of Oxytocin.)

I lay down next to him and cradled his body while I rocked him into trance like bliss and massaged his sinews.

As we engaged in intercourse, I invited my energy to entwine in breath and vision with his. I began to rawly evoke his Inner God, by singing and chanting words such as. . .

Your beauty shatters my heart and arouses my soul
Your heart inflames my deepest passions
Your body and sinews enrapture me
Your kiss is a sorcery of pleasure
You heal me with your touch
Your effulgent phallus is my magic wand
You are within me body, breath, blood, and bone
You are the fire that catalyzes energy
You are the air that fondles the earth into Springs orgasm
You are the water that expands to fill all crevices
You are the tree that roots deeply into the moist ground
Your love is as huge as the night sky and as intimate as a whisper
I have loved you before you were born and I shall love you beyond death
You are the divine radiance of the dark and the light
I become all that I am in loving you

As I speak the soul’s words we undulate as snakes, as waves of sound, as breath, as slick bodies.

Bliss, pleasure and arousal expand throughout our bodies and take us both into a place of no separation, ALL, the dance of energy.

For hours, moments, days, lifetimes, flickers and waves of orgasmic energy course throughout our bodies.

The waves focus on, around and in the nautilus of my vulva and flow out through our chakras, energy pathways, hair, nails. Several times.

We come to a place of stillness.

Our bodies enraptured with one another.

We are full. Sated. Satiated. Sanctified.

We will feel this for days. But for now, we slide into the nirvana of post-coital bliss. It is the most perfect of sleeps.

At the edge of my conscious knowing, I realize the hunger for surrender will arise again. Again I will choose to deepen as a Priestess of Love.

Where are you in the journey to be Love’s Healer, Guide, Shaman, and Conductor?

What do you do if you don’t want to have sex? OR Can’t seem to get aroused?

This is where Sacred Sex and Tantra are SO additive!

The Sacred perspective holds that there is nothing bad or wrong with how we are feeling. FIRST we use acceptance.

The Sacred perspective allows us to look at all of life as an opportunity or invitation to ever greater growth, soul, healing, wholeness, and bliss.

After we face what is so about our life, we can begin to question what might be the root causes?

Questions to ask:

- Is there something clinically dis-eased in my body?
If there is high blood pressure, blocked arteries, diabetes, etc (or a concern that there might be) check with a Dr.

- Am I aging? Could I be in Andropause (male hormonal changes) or Menopause (female hormonal changes)?
If so, see an anti-aging specialist. Get hormone levels tested and optimized.

- Have I been emotionally, physically, and/or sexually abused in my life?
If so, my low libido, can be an invitation to begin a healing process with my past. Healing does not mean condoning the perpatrator. It does mean calling our soul home to our body and celebrating our life.

- Have I been overgiving, or stepping over my own limits and boundaries in order to get security, touch, sex, or some sense of love?
If so, low libido is an opportunity to learn how to check into my body wisdom, learn to express my wants/needs compassionately and to stand up for my limits/boundaries.

- Am I anxious about opening my self fully to love and pleasure?
If so, Tantra & Sacred Sexuality can give me the tools to relax, release the inner/outer critic, embrace my desire, courageously open to my vulnerability, and explore new ways of engaging in Eros.

To raise our libido and learn to be the magnificently divine lover we long to be, takes ongoing training and development. I encourage you to keep looking for books, videos, audio tapes and workshops on anti-aging, communication, energy work, touch, Eros, Sacred Sexuality & Tantra.

I’m never done. How about you?

I’m so lucky I get to share in the journey with YOU!

Let me know what you would like to know

Do you want to know how the body and sex and ecstasy work?

Me too!

Please ask me questions so that I can answer yours or get the answers for you.

The body is designed to have attraction be a drug, and arousal be a high. WHY?

So that we can boink and make babies and forget about the challenges of relating and raising children.

THE GOOD NEWS:
When we know how the body works, we can work with the body to have great sex, awesome love, and ecstatic intimacy in our longterm (or short term) relationships.

Essensual Knowledge:

1) Long strokes or caresses release oxytocin in the body. Oxytocin generates feelings of euphoria and well being. As we relax, more blood flow can circlulate allowing us to FEEL more all through our bodies and genitals.

So make your beloved your favorite pet. Pet, caress, pat, and praise. Experiment with finding the pacing, and depth of body stroke that ignites the most “ahhhhh.”

Stroke on!

Love,
Francesca

When should you see a Tantra Educator & Why?

Tantra Educators have a variety of wonderful skills, trainings and expertise. Most will know:

- Buddhist Tantric Intimacy Techniques
- Taoist Sexual Healing breathwork
- Massage
- Emotional release
- Psychology
- How to train you in the use of your body’s energy centers (Chakras)
- Compassionate Communication
- Ecstatic Appreciations

Some may have information on:

- Ejaculation control
- G- spot
- Sexual Healing
- Anti-aging
- Clitoral stimulation
- Body mechanics
- Prostrate stimulation

Each Tantra Educator will have a unique skill set and background. Ask lots of questions prior to booking a session. Get references.

A true Tantra Educator is not a sex worker. He or she is there to educate on methods to achieve more holistic intimacy with self, partner, and the Divine. They work is not hands on. They are there to offer information or to guide you as a couple.

Some sex workers now have Tantric Training. Not all sex workers who claim to have it, do.

Times to book a session, series of sessions or take a course include:

- Before the next relationship. It’s a great time to get training that will have the next one be blissful.

- If you feel called to become a sexual healer. Tantra training is a great first step.

- If you are starting a new relationship. Take a class focused on the monogamous partnership that will support great practices that will keep your relationship wonderful.

- If you are in a long term relationship that is great. Tantra offers wonderful information and techniques to keep it juicy.

- If you are in a long term relationship that is getting boring. Tantra can revive the spark by bringing a new depth of intimacy.

- If you are in a relationship that is rocky. Tantra can harmonize the differences.

If you are thinking of taking Tantra Classes or using a Tantra Educator, please ask me lots of questions. I’m happy to be of service on your journey.

Warmth and blessings,
Francesca

Hi dear hearts,

Andropause, like Menopause, is real. It refers to the gradual shrinking of the hormone glands that regulate all our body systems (digestion, cell regeneration, blood flow, brain synapses, mood).

As these glands shrink, all our systems slow down. This results in the symptoms we think of as aging:

- Loss of hair
- Loss of muscle
- Wrinkles
- Graying
- Loss of vitality/energy
- Loss of strength
- Loss of bone
- Loss of desire/libido
- Fatigue/Depression
- Body Aches
- Migraines/head aches
- Heart problems

How quickly this occurs, and the severity of the effects are reflective of:

- GENETICS (the way your lineage of DNA has predisposed your hormone production.

THE GOOD NEWS - Working with a good Anti-aging physician can re-balance hormones for optimal health. It is important to work with bioidentical hormones.)

- EXERCISE (If we do not exercise, we will lose bone and muscle mass.

THE GOOD NEWS - exercise boosts our hormone production, libido, muscle mass, mood, and bone)

- EATING (eating hydrogenated fat, corn syrup, processed foods, and genetically modified food, starves our body of the nutrients we need. It increases the effects of aging.

THE GOOD NEWS - we are blessed today with having the research available on our body type, and blood type, to eat in ways that boost our immune system, metabolism, hormones and mood. The info is out there.)

- SEXUALITY (if we have been emotionally, physically or sexually abused, aging will have it be more likely that we will lose libido and disconnect from our partners OR become ever more driven to get a high from compulsive sexual behaviors.

THE GOOD NEWS - SACRED SEXUALITY, which encourages deep breathing, positive meditative intention, and maintaining high states of arousal without ejaculation for at least 45 minutes, increases our blood flow, heart rate, testosterone, oxytocin, and endorphins. It literally refuels the body.)

While aging and death are inevitable, the complaints that we normally associate with aging are not.

I’ve noticeably been going through perimenopuase since 45. Through reading, research, experimentation, sacred sexuality, supplements, and hormone adjustment, I continue to be able to re-adjust and rebalance my system. I recommend Suzanne Somers book “The Sexy Years” and her new book “Ageless.”

I’ve been going through a particularly challenging bout of symptoms of late. (I’m almost 50). The good news is that I have learned that I am low on thyroid (I have not had a functioning thyroid since my 20’s and take thyroid supplements each day) and some of my estrogens.

In todays world, I can get the support I need. YAY!

With the information about Tantric breathing, eye gazing, sexual energetics, and non-violent communication, even on the “low” days, we’ve been able to keep our love life juicy and connected.

Keep coming back - it works.

What do you want to know?

Hi dear hearts,

Several years ago I noticed that my love life was OUT OF CONTROL!

I longed for deep, meaningful, shatteringly ecstatic, erotically fulfilling Sacred Relationship. Instead, what I got was a string of seeming bad luck: Crash and burns. Intensely passionate and hot starts. Yet irritating, emotionally depressing, wind downs & break ups. It always felt let down. It felt like my lovers were not who I thought they were.

I got FED UP- - - luckily with me. I knew that I was the common thread in all my relationship tales of woe. I became determined to find out how to become a true Priestess of Love.

MAGICIAN OF LOVE:
I knew that one definition of magic is “The Art of changing CONSCIOUSNESS at will.” (Crowley) I knew that science had developed biofeedback techniques and visualization techniques to lower heart I rate, and improve athletic ability.

I extrapolated that if the mind could be trained and taught in these ways, it should also be possible to educate and train the muscles of my mind/body to:

- Choose who to love (fall in love with, be attracted to)
- How much to love
- When to love
- How much to be aroused
- How to lower arousal/atraction
- How to sustain arousal/attraction

I read, researched, experimented and trained in meditation, visualization, psychology, shamanism, sacred sexuality, taoist sexuality, Buddhist Tantra, behavior modification, addiction recovery, American Tantra, Hindu Tantra, and personal growth techniques.

THE MAIN TECHNIQUE was that I learned to Follow The Model of New Love - - - BY CHOICE instead of pheromonal instigation.

CHOOSING LOVE:
I was able to slow down my reactivity. Take the time to check in with ALL my chaka’s for feedback on this person, and listen to warning signals when appropriate. I was also able to choose who to love and keep the passion alive over time. (Something I had rarely been able to do.)

I was also able to walk away from “train wrecks” - - -someone who primally aroused me, but who was clearly dishonest, emotionally unstable, and/or a truly bad match in some core way.

FOLLOW THE MODEL:
By “Follow the Model” I mean, distinguish the behaviors/actions and thoughts that you might normally have while “falling” in love. For instance, obsessing about the way my lover looks in candle light, the way they smell after lovemaking, or how amazing it feels to touch/be touched by them.

Then CHOOSE to create those thoughts and images. (Simple but not easy. Takes practice.)

Science has proven that the body can’t tell the difference between a vividly imagined visualization or dream and the “real” thing. Before long, you will be training your body/mind to feel turned on and aroused around who ever you consciously choose. And you will be able to turn down or off the instinctual “pounce” reflex if your warning signals go off.

Today, I no longer need to be “at the effect of” my reptilian brain. I can dip into it at will but no longer need to be unconsciously driven.
Using this model, I was even able to shift my sensate perception of someone’s smell from one of dislike to appreciation.

THE SOUL’s WAKE UP CALL:
Even with my new skills in consciousness, I still had huge waves of attraction or repulsion pop up around people and I didn’t know what to do. What DID IT MEAN?

My teacher, Priestess Mirae told me that there are 7 billion people on the planet, most of whom we will never meet. Each person we spend any time with has been sent to by the Divine for the purpose of our soul’s growth.

So now when I feel a strong “charge” around someone, I honor that my soul is saying “Hey, Francesca. Wake up. Look over there. There is something to share with that person’s soul.”

Just because I am attracted or repulsed by someone does not mean that we are meant to have sex, nor destined to be enemies. In the case of one of my best friends, I started out noticing her because I didn’t like her. Sartre says “the greatest insult is indifference.” If I notice you, there is something to learn with you.

Thank you for inspiring this and reading this. You are part of my Soul Community of Love.

HI dear hearts,

Just a few thoughts between laundry, caring for my son, cleaning house, running off to work. (EEK. I can feel so overwhelmed some days).

JUICY SACRED SEXY WOMEN (AND MEN)
I think of juice as vitality, passion, compassion, flow and truly THE LIFE FORCE (Eros) itself. Anytime someone is filled with an aliveness that connects body, mind, spirit, and Eros they are juicy and sexy.

This can be painting, dancing, f*cking, laughing, taking a walk etc.

I’m guessing from our communications that some of us have a longing for balance and healing. In an often sex negative, body negative, aging negative, emotions negative culture, we long for the celebration of the body, sexuality, aging, and emotional truth.

Women (living with a vulva) and Men (living with a penis) have differing experiences of the world. (About to speak in blatant generalities here. Individual experiences will always be unique). . .

Women (or people carrying a strong Yin):
Often experience that they are wanted soley for their vulva (perhaps breasts, butt, and legs)i.e. their sexuality. They yearn for an experience of heart, body, Eros integration. They can seem to overly emphasize heart and spirit because they have struggled to
find men who were able/ready/willing to share in the whole package.

Women also have core universal needs for sexual expression. However, it can appear to take a back burner because of the imbalance they have felt in their lives.

Men (or people carrying a strong Yang):
Often experience that they are wanted soley for their wallet (provider/protector/handy man abilities). Although women have sex with them, they can often feel they had to purchase or trade for it in some way. They yearn to feel wholey/holy desired for their sexuality. They can seem to overly emphasize sex, sex, sex because they have struggled to find women who are able/ready/willing to a celebration of and devotion to their divine phallus and Eros.

Men also have core universal needs for intimacy, connection, and safety. However, it can appear to take a back burner because of the imbalance they have felt in their lives.

I invite us to have compassion for the suffering (0r unfulfilled longing) that each human being carries. The Buddhists say that our hearts our united in suffering. We unite Not as victims, Not as blame/shame/guilt machines. We unite in compassion and transformation takes place. We are no longer alone.

I invite us to celebrate the AND/BOTH versus either/or of Sacred Sex. It is both conscious/intentional/spiritual AND primal/passionate/body.

Tantric Buddhism speaks of Right action and Skillful means. (NOTE: The Dalai Lama is the head of the Tantric Buddhist Order).

Sexual Expression is a core need and in essence can be a Right Action. However, any action benefits from Skillful Means. We’re not just talking deep breathing,PC muscles, and exotic positions. Skillful means includes compassion, loving kindness, discernment, boundaries, and compassionate communication.

When Right Action and Skillful Means are present, sex can not only be great, it can be Divine.

In a culture that is sex negative, many of us our journeying on a path that started with some amount of disconnect or judgment about sex, body, aging, and/or emotions.

On the path, we step into more of sex positive, body positive, emotions positive, aging positive perspective.

Then we can deepen into a more pleasure based and pleasure seeking perspective. This is when the celebation of the senses comes into play. Toys. Positions. Music. Food. Pain/pleasure. Extended orgasm techniques etc.

If we choose, we can continue to journey into the sacred. This is when more celebration of and awareness of Intention, Vision, Compassion, Meditation, Flow, Goalessness, Being, Prayer, Devotion, Worship, Egolessness, come into play.

Somewhere along the path we may realize that we are all one. That you are my sacred mirror. That evoking the Sacred Lover or Sex God/dess in you is supported by becoming the Sacred Beloved for me.

Each step on the path is perfect.

We are all on the path.

Love & blessings,
Francesca