WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GREAT SEX & SACRED SEX?

Let’s start by defining the other extreme.

Well, I define BAD SEX (we’re not talking about the “oooh I love it when you’re being bad”) as - - - when one, or both partners, at the end of the experience thinks/feels:

- Angry
- Resentful
- Used
- Let down
- Depressed
- Disconnected
- Numb
- Depleted

My definition of GREAT SEX is when BOTH partners think/feel:

- Fulfilled
- Joyful
- Connected
- More alive
- Seen/heard/understood
- Met
- Satisfied
- Tired out in a good way

(Note: It is not necessary for both partners to have orgasms, to have great sex. If you know how to “surf” off your partner’s arousal, their high is your high.)

My definition of SACRED SEX is when BOTH partners feel:

- Adored
- Worshipped
- Present to The Divine within
- Present to the Divine in their partner
- Deeply connected to one another and the All
- Blissful
- Moved, touched and inspired
- Healed, whole, holy
- Buzzing with life force OR surrended to waves of gentle bliss
- Outside of time
- Being dance by the flow of energy in the universe
- Mindful and mindless
- Received, met, seen, felt, darkness and light
- Suprised by the wonder of it
- Melted into the universe
- Taken by Eros into new realms of being and non-being
- Fulfilled, at peace, full, nourished on all levels

(Note: It is not necessary for either partner to have orgasms to connect in a state of Sacred Sexual bliss. And it is common to have shuddering waves of whole body orgasms that do not result in traditional ejaculation or even a clitoral/vaginal orgasm.)

EVERY WORLD TRADITION and religion has pieces of the Sacred Sexual puzzle. Every body holds clues to its mysteries.

I encourage us to be the sacred experimenters.

For many of us OPENING TO SACRED SEX is supported by an attitude of openess to healing the wounds, fears, and limiting beliefs about love, sex, intimacy, emotions, aging, and vulnerability that stand in the way.

TANTRA FOR SUBMISSIVES?

Can Tantra help create a nourishing bridge for a couple where the man likes to be “submissive” and the woman prefers traditional sexuality.

If the couple is willing, I do recommend Tantra & Sacred Sexuality training. Especially the version that empowers her to BE the Priestess of Love.

I have seen several couples, in which men who had BDSM preferences, came to love having their beloved presence the Divine Feminine and GUIDE THE SACRED EROTIC EXPERIENCE
for them.

They still get to relax, release, go on a journey, and be taken. However, they get to SURRENDER TO LOVE & INTIMACY, rather than submit to force, degradation, restraint or domination. In my experience, one of the things that BDSM provides is the permission for the “sub” to let go completely into their own pleasure.

In this version of Sacred Sexuality, the woman is still the pro-active partner. However, she gets to step into her delicious power as the well of the Divine Feminine. She gets to tap into the energy of the elements so as not to drain herself (similar
to the energy work in Reiki). She gets to deepen into FEELING THE GLORIOUS GODDESS THAT SHE IS. She gets to guide the experience into the soulful intimacy she longs for.

(This concept also works for men who wish to become the Priest of Love. And whose partner may be a “sub.”)

For anyone who may be around North Carolina prior to the AASECT Conference June 20 - 24, I will be teaching; “Becoming the Lover They Never Forget” in Asheville the weekend prior. Let me know if you are interested.

Warning: Traditional Tantra classes may trigger feelings of loss or anger if the couple is supposed to be switching roles or partners in the exersizes. They may be better served in private coaching sessions that can be tailored for their needs.

IS MY LOVER HUMAN OR DIVINE?

Are they humanly divine or divinely human?

When I invoke, evoke, or perceive the God/Goddess in them, do I abandon their tender, perfectly/imperfect human Self?

No.

I believe that THE DIVINE IS FOUND IN PARADOX. . . the and/both versus either/or of the universe. The Divine is both eternal and finite, both darkness and light, both death and rebirth, both everywhere and nowhere, both all and nothing.

As such, WHEN I MAKE LOVE TO MY BELOVED in a conscious, intentional, sacred manner, and I notice that time slows down, breath deepens, colors brighten, love expands into every cell of our bodies, and I feel the seasons, the seas, and the heavens.I am aware and present to both the tender, perfectly-imperfect, finite, humanity of each of us, and the awesome perfectly-imperfect, infinite, divinity of each of us.

In this way, I DO NOT ABANDON THE HUMAN VESSEL that is my beloved. I treasure it, while I deepen into the heart shattering awareness that his Divine Soul is so much more than his precious Life Vessel.

I find it is not necessary to explain this to my beloved in advance or even ever. They feel the honoring of their body & soul through my touch, look, and heart energy.

However, if my beloved is open to, or enthusiastic with the concept of immanent Divinity , (well then) it is a delight to be able to verbally share and co-create.

Your thoughts?

Love & blessings,
Francesca

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TOLD THAT YOUR PHALLUS IS SACRED?

Have you ever told a man that his Phallus is sacred?

Sadly, for the last 5,000 years, male genitalia has been viewed and termed as a weapon. A rod, a sword, a blade.

Something amazing happens when we embrace that our genitals are truly precious, life giving, healing, empowering, and sacred.

When touching the phallus of my beloved, FIRST I GET PRESENT TO THE LOVE & ADORATION I FEEL FOR HIS GENITALS. I slow down my breath. I deepen and lengthen my breathing. I intend that my heart is open, and my touch is healing.

Soon I feel a tingling in my body, and often, tears in my eyes.

I think, “this is the Flowering Tree, the Wand of Life, the Seed Bearer. THIS IS THE MAGIC WAND OF PLEASURE. Without the Phallus, there would be no life on the earth.”

I gently cup my hand around his scrotum and shaft. I breathe. I look into his eyes with love and pleasure. I envision the energy of the green earth rising from his feet, through his legs, up to his phallus, and on up through his belly, into his heart. I put my other hand on his heart chakra (in the center of the chest at the same latitude as the heart). I breathe.

Sometimes I may speak words of honoring his phallus or I may sing to it, or tone OM on it. He loves that a lot!

As I slow down my rushed day-to-day thinking, breathe and fill my heart with love & adoration, each touch, breath, sound, lick, kiss becomes divine. It is the difference between fast food and an exquisite gourmet meal. His body feels the difference. And in that moment, the world shifts and is healed, holy, whole.

If you are a man, I invite you to have your beloved read this. Be prepared that she may be sad or angry at first, since she may feel that her genitals have never been truly worshipped and adored. (I’ll talk more about worshipping the vulva in a future blog). If you are a woman, I invite you to try on that you are the Priestess of Love meant to bring this healing to the world.

Experiment. Ask questions.

I am here on the journey with you.

AMERICAN TANTRA - - - WHAT IS IT?

When I first started studying cross cultural shamanism over 20 years ago, I vaguely heard about Tantra. Since I wasn’t interested in the Far East at the time, I didn’t worry about it. I studied Sacred Sexuality in European and Middle Eastern Traditions.

However, there was a point in my readings and research when I realized that the LIVING TRADITION of Sacred Sexuality in Europe & The Middle East had been lost. I was studying ancient texts and modern commentaries. I wanted to find a living tradition of Sacred Sexuality so I began to research Tantra.

I did my Tantric Training in Northern California. Along the way, something started to feel a bit weird or missing. So I did my own readings and research. I was shocked to discover that what I was learning as Tantra, had a merely kissing cousin relationship to the “real thing” in the Far East. Not bad. Just considerably different.

Here IN THE U.S. TANTRA FOCUSES ON EXPANDING PLEASURE, bliss, and sexual orgasm as a goal in itself, and/or as the portal to the Divine. In Asian Tantra, the goal is unconditional loving union with The All. In the East sexuality is a small or non-existent part of the Tantric Path. In the US, it is the main focus.
I found that many Tantric teachers were polyamorous (having many lovers or partners). Therefore, they consciously or unconsciously, structured their courses to have individuals interact with many partners emotionally, sensually, and/or sexually.

Most American Tantric Educators stem their lineage (training) back to Osho. Osho was a brilliant, radical, irreverant, humorous, inspiring, guru from India. He himself, while sourcing from some ancient traditions, also broke with them. You can find more about Osho at http://www.osho.com/ I use the Osho Zen Tarot deck, regularly for insight & inspiration.

AMERICAN TANTRA IS A JAMBALAYA of each teacher’s training and experience. It can include some Hindu or Buddhist practices. It can include Taoist Sexual Healing techniques. It can include “energy work.” It can include “Emotional Breath Release.” Or dancing. Or massage.

CAVEAT EMPTOR: Let the Buyer Beware. When choosing your Tantra teacher ASK QUESTIONS prior to taking the course. Is it for couples? Will I be encouraged or expected to share emotions or sensuality with people other than my partner? Will I be expected or encouraged to be naked?

American Tantra is loosely connected to Hindu or Buddhist Tantra. It is a horse of a different color. If you like the color, it can be wonderful. If you would like to study Tantra as a more spiritual path, I recommend Buddhism. If you wish to study Sacred Sexuality without immersing yourself in the lingo of the Far East, I recommend studying Goddess Traditions of Old Europe or the Middle East. The Divine is in YOU!