“A man [or woman] can doubt, can nurse great misgivings, and yet uphold his vow, though his heart is no longer in it.  This, I believe, is the spirit’s highest consummation - holding fast to faith by dint of will alone when the fire of certainty has grown cold…When the fire dies…the real test of a soul’s worth begins”  -Stephen R. Lawhead, “Pendragon”

This passage was written about ancient warriors and their vow to militarily support their High King, but it speaks to me of relationships.  There are times, in many long-term relationships, when it feels to one person as if “the fire of certainty has grown cold.”  Perhaps, the fire has died.  And one finds oneself questioning the wisdom of keeping the relationship vow, though one’s heart is no longer in it.  Is it better to stay or go?  Is a vow I made a long time ago reason enough to stay?

I don’t want to suggest that there is one right or wrong answer to these questions - that one should honor their vows, or that all vows are renegotiable.  Rather, I find myself, in whatever maturity I’ve developed over the 5 and a half decades I’ve been here in this life, newly experiencing the power and beauty of holding to the vow and trusting that fire is not dead, merely banked, awaiting and trusting that something will fan the embers back into flame.

Sexting (Sex + Texting) is the new rage.  Sexting is the name people are using to describe sending nude pictures via text message, and, according to “the media,” it’s all the rage among teens.  In a nationwide poll conducted by the National Campaign to Support Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, about 20% of teens admitted to participating in some form of sexting.  Sadly, because these kids are underage, law enforcement people consider this to be a form of felony “kiddie porn”, and arrests of some of these teenagers are happening.

Everything about this story upsets me.  It upsets me that typically horny teens, acting in the fog of typically horny teen stupidity, are being treated as pedophiles.  What could be more “normal” than teens wanting to look at naked teens?  How can this be compared to an adult who is sexually attracted to children or who sexually abuses a child or who purchases or collects material that exploits children?

Teens need information.  Teens need sex education, at home and in school.  Teens need to have their nascent sexuality welcomed and their self-esteem supported.  When they behave in foolish ways (and what human being has never behaved foolishly?), they need open, non-shaming conversation, not felony arrests.
It upsets me that these teens don’t realize that photos of this sort have a way of hanging around forever (digital images don’t wear out or fade out) and are likely to wind up in the hands of people who have no business looking at them, like middle-aged adults who purchase and collect material that exploits children.

It upsets me that western culture seems to promote the idea that nudity equals pornography.  We rate movies and games that include scenes of murder and mayhem as suitable for teens, while movies that show a penis or vagina, or even pubic hair, are typically rated NC-17 or X.  In other words, we behave as if a penis or a vagina is more dangerous than a machine gun or a car bomb!

Make no mistake, I abhor “child pornography”.  I totally support law enforcement officials doing everything in their power to keep children from being exploited by adults.  Sadly, in this case, in the name of protecting children, we seem to be criminalizing sexual behavior, something with which our country has a long history.  Want to learn more about America’s “war on sex” have a listen to an interview I had with Dr. Marty Klein, author of “America’s War On Sex.”