I was interviewing Ian Coburn, author of “God is a Woman: Dating Disasters“, and he suggested that perhaps men and women often have so much trouble understanding each other is because men are, in general, more literal, and women, in general, more behavioral.

Ian is a “recovering” stand-up comic who has written a pretty good handbook about dating.  Instead of talking about his “successes”, Ian writes about his “failures” with women, and what lessons he learned.  Ian’s observations come from his experiences in the dating world. He’s a funny guy, so it’s a funny book, and it gave me a lot to think about.

Ian suggested that men need to pay attention to a woman’s behavior more than her words.  He’s not suggesting that men ignore women’s boundaries.  He understands that “no” must mean “no”.  He just notices how often, while on a date, a woman will say something like “I’m taking a break from dating.”  In the past, he would believe her words and not pursue more dates.  Weeks later he’d see the same woman now happily dating some other guy.  His “aha”?  He would have been better served to pay attention to the woman’s behavior, the fact that she was actually on a date while saying she wasn’t interested in dating.

On the other hand, Ian finds himself consoling female friends when, while on a nice date, the guy says something like “I’m taking a break from dating,” and then drops out of sight after the date.  His advice to women?  Believe the guy’s words, not his actions.

What do you think, is it a gender thing?  Do you believe the words or the behavior?