Recently I was asked to offer advice to those of us who get anxious or depressed during the Holiday Season.  I hope these words help you experience peace and joy.

1. How can I fill my “love tank” when I’m feeling depressed or anxious?

a) Ask yourself what are the things you’ve always wanted someone to say to you, but no one ever has.  Then, say those things to you again and again.
b) Ask the child inside you what it needs to hear you say to it.  Then, say those things to you again and again.
c) Get comfortable saying I Love You to yourself and say it many times each day.

2. How can the teenagers in my life fill their “love tank” when they live with a depressed or anxious parent?

a) Stop and appreciate yourself for every thought and act of kindness.
b) Make a recording (on your phone or on your computer, perhaps) or call ypur own voice mail/answering machine.  Tell yourself the things you’ve always wanted your parent to say to you.  Include everything you need to hear to feel loved and appreciated. Listen to the recording every day.  Add to it when you think of anything else you want to hear.
c) Journal regularly, especially noting the self-hating ways you speak to yourself and treat yourself.  Each time you notice a new way, remind yourself that you were taught to treat yourself this way, and remind yourself of your commitment to treating yourself with unconditional love and acceptance

3. How can family members who are caregivers for a mentally ill relative fill their “love tank”?

a) Have all the family members and caregivers gather once a week (perhaps for a meal).  Ask each person to say one thing s/he appreciates about every other person gathered and one thing s/he appreciates about him/her-self.
b) Each individual: ask yourself what are the things you’ve always wanted your mentally ill family member to say to you, but never (or hardly ever) has.  Then, say those things to you again and again.
c) Think of at least one loving thing to do for yourself each day.