Take a moment to remember what you thought it was going to be like when you found your perfect partner.  Remember how beautiful you hoped it was all going to be, the love flowing, the easy intimacy, sex whenever you wanted it.  And, if it has been some time since you wanted it, remember when you wanted it.
In life, what we practice is what we perfect.  In relationship we often practice behaviors that have us feel increasingly walled-off from our partner.  We practice not communicating, not sharing our deepest truths.  We tell ourselves that we’re trying not to be a burden, or that we know our partner can’t make it better, so why talk about it.  With no real training for how to have a relationship that includes lifelong healthy sexuality we assume that it’s normal for the love to “cool”.  We assume that we should just “settle” for companionship.  Television and the movies consistently show us people under thirty who have sexuality in their lives and people over forty who don’t.

I was talking to Celeste Hirschman on my podcast and she mentioned being erotically embodied as the path to a lifetime of great sex.  “If you’re walking around in your body instead of your head all the time, if you can feel your chest, if you can feel your stomach, if you can feel your cock and pussy, then those different parts of your body will tell you is another person there with you? Is their heart open to you? Are they there with you in their own power? Is their sexual energy there? If you’re not in your body, you won’t feel anything in theirs. You won’t know what’s going on.

“I think being an extraordinary lover is more than just about technique… It’s really about the whole emotional picture and how [one] can feel powerful and confident and really self-assured in the midst of the fact that [there is] this emotional person across from you and they want to have sex with you and you with them, and you both want to please each other and really feel your own pleasure.”