This just in from Larry’s Humor List:

EIGHT GIFTS THAT DO NOT COST A CENT
1.  The Gift of Listening:
But you must really listen.  No interrupting, no daydreaming, no planning your response.  Just listening.

2.  The Gift of Affection:
Be generous with appropriate hugs, kisses, pats on the back etc.  Let these small actions demonstrate the love you have for family and friends.   Remember that friendships are tied together by heart-strings not purse strings.

3.  The Gift of Laughter:
Clip cartoons and jokes; pass them on.  Share articles and funny stories.  Your gift will say, ‘I love to laugh with you’.

4.  The Gift of a Written Note:
It can be a simple ‘thanks for your help’, a card with your own message, a poem.  (In this electronic age, it can be done by E-mail) It could be remembered for a lifetime - even change a life.

5.  The Gift of a True Compliment:
A simple and sincere ‘You look great in red’, ‘You did a super job’ or ‘It was a wonderful meal?, can make someone’s day.

6.  The Gift of a Favor:
Every day, go out of your way to do something kind.  Remember:  ‘100 years from now it will not matter what kind of car I drove, what kind of house I lived in, or how much money I had in the bank, nor what my clothes looked like.  But the world will be a little better because I was helpful in someone’s life’.

7.  The Gift of Solitude:
There are times when we want nothing more than to be left alone and quiet.  Be sensitive to those times in others.

8.  The Gift of a Cheerful Disposition:
The easiest way to feel good is to extend a kind word to someone.  Really, it’s not that hard to smile and say ‘Hello’ or ‘Thank you’.  Attitudes are contagious - is yours worth catching?

Friends are rare jewels in our life.  They make us smile, hold is close, and encourage us to succeed. They lend an ear and a word of praise, and always want to share their hearts with us. ‘A friend is someone who reaches for your hand, and touches your heart’.” - Source unknown

HAPPY EVERYTHING!!

Recently I was asked to offer advice to those of us who get anxious or depressed during the Holiday Season.  I hope these words help you experience peace and joy.

1. How can I fill my “love tank” when I’m feeling depressed or anxious?

a) Ask yourself what are the things you’ve always wanted someone to say to you, but no one ever has.  Then, say those things to you again and again.
b) Ask the child inside you what it needs to hear you say to it.  Then, say those things to you again and again.
c) Get comfortable saying I Love You to yourself and say it many times each day.

2. How can the teenagers in my life fill their “love tank” when they live with a depressed or anxious parent?

a) Stop and appreciate yourself for every thought and act of kindness.
b) Make a recording (on your phone or on your computer, perhaps) or call ypur own voice mail/answering machine.  Tell yourself the things you’ve always wanted your parent to say to you.  Include everything you need to hear to feel loved and appreciated. Listen to the recording every day.  Add to it when you think of anything else you want to hear.
c) Journal regularly, especially noting the self-hating ways you speak to yourself and treat yourself.  Each time you notice a new way, remind yourself that you were taught to treat yourself this way, and remind yourself of your commitment to treating yourself with unconditional love and acceptance

3. How can family members who are caregivers for a mentally ill relative fill their “love tank”?

a) Have all the family members and caregivers gather once a week (perhaps for a meal).  Ask each person to say one thing s/he appreciates about every other person gathered and one thing s/he appreciates about him/her-self.
b) Each individual: ask yourself what are the things you’ve always wanted your mentally ill family member to say to you, but never (or hardly ever) has.  Then, say those things to you again and again.
c) Think of at least one loving thing to do for yourself each day.

“Forgiveness is the Key to Happiness”.  It’s one of my favorite “lessons” in “A Course in Miracles” (ACIM), a teaching consisting of a “Text”, “Workbook for Students”, and a “Manual for Teachers”.

(I love the 365 daily lessons -the “Workbook”- of ACIM.  I find the “Text” completely unreadable.  Others are deeply moved by the Text, but left cold by the lessons. In the lessons there is a great deal of language referring to “Jesus”, “God”, “Almighty”, “Savior”, etc. that didn’t really work for me.  When I first did the lessons, every time I bumped into a God-reference, I read it as if it referred to “my Higher Power.”  Now I think of those references as my “Buddha-nature.”  Doing the ACIM lessons dramatically improved the quality of my life and opened my heart.  I heartily recommend ACIM.)

I was thinking about this particular lesson because I recently interviewed Eileen Barker on the subject of forgiveness.  Eileen is a mediator and conflict resolution specialist.  Over the 25 years or so that she has helped resolve dispute, both personal and professional, Eileen has come to a profound respect for the healing power of forgiveness.

Eileen teaches that forgiveness is a skill, it can be learned, and it is best learned as a daily practice.  As the adage says:  Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison hoping the other person will die!  As we enter a daily practice of forgiving, we find ourselves letting go of past hurts, slights and indignities, freeing ourselves of stress, ridding us of “toxic” thoughts, and creating more “room” in our hearts for love and joy.  And, as Oscar Wilde so famously declared: “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”

1. My older brother and I haven’t talked in years. As far as I know this is not from any particular reason, we haven’t fought or exchanged unpleasantness, we just don’t talk. He doesn’t even respond to the occasional emails I send.
2. Sometimes I think I’m a great workshop leader, other times I’m convinced that I’m totally unsuited for the job and I suck.
3. I live on a diet and often hate it.
4. I’m very sensitive. My feelings are easily hurt.
5. I don’t like being alone.
6. When I look at my life I feel very lucky.
7. I didn’t attend my Dad’s funeral.
8. I’m a Barry Manilow fan.
9. I love to laugh. I think life is mostly funny, when I can get some objectivity.
10. I really like “subtext” in plays and movies.
11. When I read “Born to Kvetch” I had some deep aha’s about the cultural (Eastern European Jewish) underpinnings to some of my behaviors.
12. I love to flirt.
13. I find it nearly impossible to root for any team from Florida or Texas.
14. I started skiing about 5 years ago and I love it.
15. I often contemplate getting a tattoo and/or shaving my head.
16. I like my 40’s and 50’s better than any other time in my life.

Take a moment to remember what you thought it was going to be like when you found your perfect partner.  Remember how beautiful you hoped it was all going to be, the love flowing, the easy intimacy, sex whenever you wanted it.  And, if it has been some time since you wanted it, remember when you wanted it.
In life, what we practice is what we perfect.  In relationship we often practice behaviors that have us feel increasingly walled-off from our partner.  We practice not communicating, not sharing our deepest truths.  We tell ourselves that we’re trying not to be a burden, or that we know our partner can’t make it better, so why talk about it.  With no real training for how to have a relationship that includes lifelong healthy sexuality we assume that it’s normal for the love to “cool”.  We assume that we should just “settle” for companionship.  Television and the movies consistently show us people under thirty who have sexuality in their lives and people over forty who don’t.

I was talking to Celeste Hirschman on my podcast and she mentioned being erotically embodied as the path to a lifetime of great sex.  “If you’re walking around in your body instead of your head all the time, if you can feel your chest, if you can feel your stomach, if you can feel your cock and pussy, then those different parts of your body will tell you is another person there with you? Is their heart open to you? Are they there with you in their own power? Is their sexual energy there? If you’re not in your body, you won’t feel anything in theirs. You won’t know what’s going on.

“I think being an extraordinary lover is more than just about technique… It’s really about the whole emotional picture and how [one] can feel powerful and confident and really self-assured in the midst of the fact that [there is] this emotional person across from you and they want to have sex with you and you with them, and you both want to please each other and really feel your own pleasure.”