The elections are upon us.

According to those who have chosen their candidate - the other guy is too old, too young, to radical, too conservative, too black, too white, too new, too entrenched in the old, too urban, too rural, too Northern, too Southern, too Country & Western, too Rock & Roll…too wrong.  Anyone who believes the b.s. that the other guy is spouting is not to be listened to. And anyone who can’t see that my guy is the only honest person in the race is just deluded.

Sound familiar?  Sex, love and intimacy can often be the casualty of politics, particularly in an election year.  As the election nears it gets more and more challenging to maintain our loving, intimate connections with loved ones who do not agree with our political decisions.  It’s fine to say “we’ll agree to disagree,” but frequently those disagreements challenge our ability to listen with empathy and acceptance.

The single best “listening tool” I’ve ever learned is “Active Listening“.  Listening to someone with genuine curiosity and with the “agenda” that the person speaking has the experience of being heard.  Active listening has been a respected parenting tool for decades, introduced to most Americans by Dr. Thomas Gordon and his book “P.E.T.: Parent Effectiveness Training”
Dr. Gordon’s work continues through the Gordon Training Institute (GTI), which just posted a great article titled  “Just Because You’re Hearing Doesn’t Mean You’re Listening” helping people communicate respectfully at work or school.

I was trained as a Parent Educator at GTI and use PET everyday - with my children, my partner, my co-workers, my neighbors, my parents, even with people I’m just meeting.  The skill to listen well may be the best intimacy tool I’ll ever learn.  On my site you’ll find a great article titled “Help is as Easy as Listening.”

Please vote.

I have a new sponsor - Adam and Eve (Sex toys and movies for men, women and couples).  So I went poking around their site, looking to get something for my sweetie and me.

Wow!  What a garden of earthly delights.  At first I was quite overwhelmed.  So many products and categories.  Do I want to give her a new vibrator?  Nipple jewelry?  Maybe some non-threatening BDSM supplies? Lingerie?  Or maybe something we can share, like an anal toy?  Oils, lotions and potions?  Some video?  Ah, so many things that might titillate, tantalize and turn on my sweetie.

I just met Deborah Sundahl at the Lotus Conference and Workshop.  She’s one of the foremost experts on the G-spot (or, as she likes to call it, the female prostate) and female ejaculation.  I really liked getting to know her and she taught me a lot about female anatomy and orgasm.  That’s probably why I drifted to the “G-Spot Vibrators” section of AdamAndEve.com.

I knew when I saw it - the Wild G-Spot Vibrator.  According to the info on the website:

• The special Triple-Pronged Stimulators are designed to tickle and tease your clitoris and the sensitive surrounding nerves as well to further enhance your pleasure and deliver stronger orgasms.
• The Spinning Metal Beads massage your G Spot, labia and other erogenous zones – feeling just like tongue rings exploring your body!
• The Curved G Spot Tip spins and wiggles in a circular motion to provide you with a more life-like experience while also stimulating your entire vagina.

I’ve often wondered whether these complex vibrators actually work any better than her trusty old Magic Wand.  We gave it a thorough (and delightful) test drive last night, and I can safely report that my sweetie was definitely titillated, tantalized and turned on!  I don’t think she’s going to replace the wand (or me) with the Wild G, but I know we’re going to using it again and again and again…

As a gift to you, fans of “Sex Love & Intimacy”, when you shop at Adam and Eve you’ll get 50% off on just about any item.  All you need to do is type my name - CHIP - for the offer code at checkout.  And if you spend $17 or more Adam and Eve will send you a FREE gift.

Join me at the 2008 - Reuniting Spirituality & Sexuality Conference

“One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised.  Betrayal, though … betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope.” -  Steven Deitz (American Playwright).

Sooner or later - no matter your good your intentions, no matter your commitment to love and honor, no matter your ethical code, belief system, religion or spiritual path - if you choose to love and be loved you will one day be betrayed (and at least once be the betrayer).  And I’m a pretty cheerful guy who thinks of himself as an optimist-by-choice.

I like to think that these betrayals are rare and either unavoidable or unintended.  (I’m aware that some people really think nothing of betraying themselves and others.  Thankfully, these people are relatively few in the world that I inhabit.  I hope that they are the exception in your world, too.)

Today I’m meditating on the choices we face after feeling betrayed.  For the longest time I thought the only sensible response to betrayal was to cease trusting the betrayer, closing my heart and dropping the betrayer from my life.  After all, how can someone prove they are trustworthy after they have clearly demonstrated they are not trustworthy?   In my mind, any alternative to closing my heart would involve inviting a known betrayer into my life, again.  “Fool me once - shame on you.  Fool me twice - shame on me” as the saying goes.

As I’ve gotten older, and hopefully a bit wiser, I begin to see the flaws in that approach.  I pose a question to myself:  Who owns my heart?  I ‘m pretty sure I own my heart, but if I buy into the I-can-never-trust-you argument, then apparently I’m forced to expel you from my heart.  In a way, I have stopped being in charge of my heart.  Perhaps this is the “willful slaughter of hope” that Deitz is talking about?

With my children, I notice that nothing they can ever do or say will have me stop loving them.  I choose to love them.  End of sentence.  I begin to see betrayal as another of those opportunities for growth - perhaps a fucking opportunity rather than a gorgeous opportunity - but an opportunity nonetheless.

I choose love.  Usually that choice brings me joy.  Sometimes it brings me confusion. uncertainty.  Sometimes choosing love is painful.  Sometimes it seems downright self-destructive.  And, I choose love.

I spent 30 years of my life chasing after an orgasm like the ones I saw and read about in books and movies.  You know the orgasm I mean - when the earth moves, when you are transported into an alternate reality, when you laugh and cry, when you feel “at one” with the universe.  I looked for that orgasm in choosing partners.  I looked for it in trying to act like I already had found it.  I looked for the “how-to” book that would explain it step by step.

And I gave up looking for it.  I decided it was a lie, that no one really had orgasms like that.  So I stopped looking and nursed my disappointment.

And then, in my forties, I participated in an extraordinary weekend workshop produced by the Human Awareness Institute and lead by Stan Dale, its founder.  Stan didn’t teach sexual technique.  Stan didn’t talk about orgasm.  The workshop was an experiential exploration of love, intimacy and sexuality.

And somewhere in that weekend I began to discover that the goal of my search, that elusive earth-shaking orgasm was, in fact, something about integrating spirituality with sexuality. I found myself looking into my heart and soul, nurturing and honoring my deep need to feel connected.  I opened to the reality that I had been searching in all the wrong places.  And I began to discover and explore the wonders of my loving heart.

For 18 years I have followed this path inward.  I have been an ardent student and a humble teacher.  And this month I have the unique opportunity to join 7 other teachers in the 2008 Lotus Conference and Workshop: Reuniting Sexuality and Spirituality, October 17, 18 & 19, in the suburbs of Minneapolis, Minnesota.

What a wonderful weekend awaits you in the form of a conference Reuniting Spirituality and Sexuality. The experience that we as couples and individuals have been awaiting, now in Minneapolis for the very first time. Women, be the best and incredibly empowered being. Raise your awareness of self and be  confident in both mind and body, with the help of therapists and teachers,  who guide you gently and well within your comfort zone. Men, there is a way to communicate with women and have the best possible relationship. For singles and couples, this conference is a must.

Eight experts in relationship, sexuality, and sacred sexuality will be revealing the tips, practices, and secrets of intimate relating from ancient cultures, and modern science.
Including - Deborah Sundahl, Mary Zalmanek, Chip August, Francesca Gentille,
Ina Mlekush, Harold Taitt, Ann Maxwell and Deborah Adele.

I hope I see you there.