I love talking to Alison Armstrong. She’s spent decades researching men, and listening to her I always learn something about me. One thing she said was that there are “magic” words that a man can say to a woman whose feelings have been crushed and is now raging, criticizing, bringing up the past, etc. These magic words can literally “save” this women from her “rage-monster.”

The words are “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.” When you say these words, it disconnects the rage monster. But you have to mean it, if you don’t mean it, it won’t work. And when you realize that this person’s upset has her feel cut off from her spirit, it’s likely you will really feel empathy, be sorry, that her feelings were hurt.

When I say “I’m sorry” I do not mean “It was my fault.” “I’m sorry” does not imply that you are right and I am wrong. My “I’m sorry” means that I can see that you are hurt, crushed. It is my deepest wish to make you happy. I can’t. All I can do is have empathy for the pain you are in. I’m sorry that, even though I had no bad intent and I was trying my best, I hurt your feelings.

Try the magic sometime and see if it helps you get back into love.