Human beings, that is to say you and me, are born wanting and needing intimate loving touch. And we never outgrow those needs. Sadly, most of the adults that I meet, and I meet about 1,000 each year, have precious few resources for getting their need for loving touch met.

Too often, when we feel lonely or sad or depressed, we wind up having sex with people to get our touch needs met. Sometimes the sex is good, sometimes not so good. Sometimes we feel good after the sex, lots of times we feel empty, sad, confused.

I believe there are better choices. Recently, I interviewed Dr. Karen Gail Lewis. She’s the author of “With or Without a Man: Single Women Taking Control of Their Lives”, a terrific book filled with all sorts of great ideas for filling one’s life with love and intimacy, with or without a partner. Chapters 4 through 12 describe nine tasks for living a satisfying single life — ignoring the societal bias. Weaving through each of these nine tasks is the basic human need for a deep connection with others. This comes from loving and being loved, neither of which is limited to romantic love alone.

In the “Love, Intimacy & Sexuality” Workshops that I lead, singles and couples learn to connect and open our hearts to others in an intimate and loving way, without necessarily involving our genitals. In a safe, supportive environment a person can uncover their passion for living, their natural self-appreciation and self-acceptance and feed their need for loving touch.