I just read some research from the National Cancer Institute that says

“Carrageenan [a chemical is extracted from marine red algae, or seaweed] appears to be a potent inhibitor of human papilloma viruses HPV virus — particularly the types that cause cervical cancer and genital warts. In a test tube, carrageenan inhibits the infectious ability of genital HPV with nearly a thousand-fold greater potency than other inhibitors tested. How effective the compound would be in the human body remains to be demonstrated, but the discovery raises the possibility that carrageenan could be used with vaccines, condoms and lubricants as a protection against HPV.”

So where does one get lubricants with Carragennan? Right here!

One of my newest advertisers is DreamBrands. They have invented a new, natural, personal lubricant that uses Carrageenan, derived from red sea algae. And, unlike petroleum-based lubricants like silicone or sticky lubricants like glycol, Carrageenan is slippery and silky. Their research shows that women in their 40’s and 50’s (among the biggest users of personal lubrication) are having “the best sex ever.”

Try it, I’m sure you’ll be impressed. You can use promo code LOVE at checkout to receive 20% off your order. Choose from the regular or, my personal favorite, warming lotion.

Occasionally I’m invited to speak to high school kids about sex and sexuality. I love it. Usually the kids have a fairly good understanding of the basics of reproduction – men have seed (sperm) which they deposit in women, conception occurs when seed fertilizes egg, etc. What they lack is good solid information about sex, sexual desires, sexuality. And, while they usually know what a condom is and how it’s used, their ideas about “responsible” or “safer” sex are woefully inadequate for the sexual situations they find themselves in. I do my best to fill in the gaps.

One question that frequently comes up is “How do I know when I’m ready for sex?” Interestingly enough, while not usually asked in quite these words, this is a question that most adults also wrestle with at some time in their lives. Listening to thousands of adults and hundreds of kids I’ve come up with my stock answer to this question. I call it “The Five C’s”

-Caring

-Communication

-Consent

-Contraception/Protection

-Commitment

Caring: Feeling and exhibiting signs of genuine concern and empathy. Does this person care about me? Do I care about them? Are they empathetic? Do I “feel” listened to? Has this person exhibited (shown me) actual evidence of their care and concern?

Communication: Do we talk? Is this all lust and infatuation with no other common bonds? Does s/he interrupt, talk over, yell, verbally bully? Does it feel like we could complete each other’s sentences or am I frequently shocked/confused/embarrassed by what s/he says?

Consent: The voluntary acceptance of the wish of another. Voluntary acceptance: without undue pressure. It is not consent if you tell me you’ll break up with me if I don’t. It is not consent if you threaten me. It is not consent if I think I have to do this to get into the gang/clique/crowd. It is not consent if you tell me that my “no” means I’m frigid/homosexual/fucked up. It is not consent if you tell me “You got me this way, now you owe it to me to do something about it.”

Contraception: The United States has the highest rates of teen pregnancy and births in the western industrialized world. Thirty-four percent of young women become pregnant at least once before they reach the age of 20 — about 820,000 a year. Eight in ten of these teen pregnancies are unintended and 79 percent are to unmarried teens. (Statistics from FamilyFirstAid.com).

Commitment: It is my observation that having sex with someone has many consequences that are often not thought about until it’s too late. Feelings come up – regret, shame, fear. Sometimes there are physical consequences – STI’s, pregnancy, unexpected pain. Often sexuality generates even deeper feelings of love and attachment. When I write about commitment I mean the willingness to stick around and emotionally support each other through those consequences.

Planned Parenthood has a great pamphlet titled “How do you know when you’re ready for sex” that has even more on this subject and a terrific website for teens – TeenWire.com.

What does it mean to be a man in the 21st century? Are we men disposable? Are we, as some Darwinian feminists have held, the imperfect beta version of what ultimately evolved into the “more perfect” female?

I meet quite a few men in my workshops who seem to be struggling to find a model for manhood that fits the circumstances of the world we live in. I’m not needed as the “provider”, my wife earns more than I do. I’m not needed as the protector, that’s really more in the line of police work. I could join the armed services and train to be a warrior, but so can she. I’m not a hunter, and my local supermarket is so much easier and more convenient than hunting ever could be. Heck, given her 3 days a week at the gym, I’m not even certain I’m stronger than she is.

Interviewing Alison Armstrong, creator of the Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women workshops, I heard a message of men’s essential value and worth. Then interviewing Michael Gilbert, author of “The Disposable Male“, he seemed to imply the opposite. And it’s all really got me thinking.

I think part of the problem is that, given a level playing field, the difference between men and women is relatively subtle, while the similarities are so obvious we sometimes “can’t see the forest for looking at the trees.” Any woman who likes men will tell you that sometimes what makes a guy really sexy and attractive is the sense of his untapped power and assertiveness. At the same time, what makes a guy really sexy and attractive is his empathy and sensitivity.

I don’t have one simple model for being a man. Sometimes I want to seem like James Bond, sometimes more like James Dean, sometimes more like Jimmy Stewart, sometimes more like Jimmy Neutron. Sigh. I guess I’ll just keep being myself and hope that’s enough.

According to Dr. Gay Hendricks, there are seven basic principles that consciously loving couples adhere to:

1) Commitment

2) Learn from each interaction

3) Absolute honesty

4) Keep agreements impeccably

5) Be 100% accountable

6) Appreciate each other, often

7) Love is the ultimate healer

When I interviewed him, I asked Gay to tell me more about this idea of “conscious loving” and he defined it, simply, as being aware of feeling connected.