“Whither Desire?” in the Nov/Dec issue of AARP magazine is an interesting article about how to reignite sexual passion when it feels like lust is dying. Anyone in long-term relationship knows that desire shifts and moves over time and sometimes just seems to fade away.

The author, Nancy Wartik suggests six things a person can do to help “wake up” sexuality.

1) Change your mind. Don’t pay attention to the thought that you aren’t in the mood and say “yes” to erotic possibility. I often recommend that clients just get naked and hold each other and see what happens. It’s like yoga - assume the position and the magic will happen.
2) Get a physical and talk to your doctor. If there is a medical problem, find it and, if possible, treat it.

3) Do something different. If you always do what you’ve always done you will always get what you’ve always gotten. Try something new.

4) Say the things you are afraid to say. Confront your fears. All those unspoken feelings become a wall between partners. Make time to say what you are feeling and thinking and listen to your partner’s thoughts and feelings. In my podcast with Dr. Susan Campbell we talk about the healing power of truth-telling.
5) Schedule intimacy and keep to the schedule. When we practice waiting until we’re in the mood the thing we get good at is waiting. Don’t wait, make dates. And if you’re not in the mood when it’s date night - see step 1, above.

6) Get regular exercise. Studies show that regular exercise makes you feel better in your body, feel better about your body, and feel sexier. Get off that couch and take a walk together…every day.