A friend recently referred to something she’d read that claimed, on average, men think about sex once every 23 seconds (or something like that). I went looking online to see if there was any research to support this claim and found a site claiming it’s an urban legend

Kinsey Institute studies such things and according to the Kinsey Institute FAQ “54% of men think about sex every day or several times a day, 43% a few times per month or a few times per week, and 4% less than once a month.” Which is still a lot of thinking about sex. (And has me think “What-do-you-know, I guess I’m like a lot a guys on this one.”) According to Kinsey, 19% of women think about sex everyday or several times a day, 67% a few times per month or a few times per week, and 14% less than once a month. In other words, more than half of all guys are thinking about sex daily or more, but only a fifth of women are.

Men’s sexual fantasies tend to be more sexually explicit than women’s; women’s fantasies tend to be more emotional and romantic. In one study, men’s fantasies mentioned a partner’s sexual desire and pleasure more frequently than did women’s fantasies (Kinsey Institute Report)Personal admission: I really like thinking about sex, almost as much as I like having sex! I like looking at sex sites on the internet. I like musing about what it might be like to be sexual with various of my acquaintances. I aspire to feel at least a little turned-on during my every waking minute. It is my experience that when I’m in touch with my sexuality I’m more alert, more charming, happier, more self-assured and sexier. When my sexuality is up close to my surface I’m playful and witty and I feel capable of loving everyone (not making love to everyone, opening my heart to everyone). I think the world would be a much better place if we all allowed ourselves to naturally embrace our sexual thoughts and attitudes. Am I “oversexed”? Am I a “sex addict” ? I was talking to Dr. Marty Klein the other day on my podcast – Sex, Love & Intimacy - and he argued strongly that the whole notion of sex addiction was really more about “America’s War on Sex” than anything clinical. In a paper titled “Sex Addiction: A Dangerous Clinical Concept” Dr. Klein argues that “America is desperate for a model of sexual health…that is clinically complex and culturally informed…a model of sexual health that does not pathologize a broad range of eroticism.”

BTW I found a great site describing what we men are thinking about when we’re not thinking about sex. Here’s the list:

1. 1. We’re thinking about how cool it would be to have super-powers.
2. 2. We’re going to quit our jobs soon.
3. 3. We’re thinking that it would be awesome to be involved in a heist.
4. 4. We’re thinking we are better at hunting, fishing & sports than we actually are.
5. 5. We’re thinking it would be great to own a wild animal as a pet.
6. 6. The sixth thing that men are thinking about is, of course, sex, as well as the seventh thing.