You or your partner’s sexual desire may appear to be dead, but it’s probably just dormant. Bring it back to life by taking an inventory of your relationship and trying the below suggestions…

Connection- Address resentment/anger- Are there issues and/or conflicts in the relationship that haven’t been discussed or worked thru? Relationship problems are the most common libido killers. Work on nurturing the relationship and creating connection by incorporating the three T’s (Touch, Talking, Time together) into your relationship.

Sexual boredom and/or dissatisfaction- Be courageous and try new things; make a detailed list of what you will do, absolutely won’t do, and what you might be willing to try. Then discuss and make specific requests to your partner. Ask your partner to do the same.

In and out sex and sex that focuses on the genitals can becomes boring and unsatisfying. Conscious connected sex can reawaken desire. Be present and focus on feelings and on personal pleasure.

Increase Sexual Anticipation- What puts you in the mood? What puts your partner in the mood? Fantasy, reading erotica, or even watching sexually explicit films can do a lot to get our juices flowing. And don’t forget teasing…our desire is increased when there is an obstacle present (taboo, time, distance, etc.). Make a mutual decision to ban intercourse or orgasm for a week and just focus on the pleasure you’re feeling.

Remember the effort you made when you were wooing your current partner? You need to give your relationship and your partner consistent effort to sustain the passion of a new relationship. If you make daily loving gestures and focus on the things you love and appreciate about your partner, you will have a more passionate sex life.

I loved doing research for my last show “Fun and Sexy Board Games”.  It had been a long time since I had played a board game.  And, these games were so much more fun than Monopoly™. I strongly encourage you to to try adding an erotic game or two into your hectic schedules.  Here’s some reasons why…

In our busy, adult lives, we often forget to play. 
 

We could all use more playfulness, fun and laughter in our sex lives.  
 

The right game can help us create an atmosphere of romance, fun, and eroticism into our relationship.
 

Doing something new adds excitement and increases our sense of connection with our partner, which can lead to more sex.
 

Games are an inexpensive way to spend an evening and learn something new about your partner.
 

They’re a great tool to talk about secret fantasies and desires, and/or to try something new.
 

Really, you’ve got nothing to lose.  And if you really want to get creative, make up your own game.  I’d love to hear your ideas and experiences. if I use your idea or story in a show, I will send you a gift.

You can email me at lori@personallifemedia.com or leave me a voice message at (206) 350-5333.

Just leave Your Name, Name of Show, Your Question or Comment and Your Phone and/or Email address. Your message left here indicates your agreement for us to potentially use it on air.

Warmly,

Dr. Lori

If you are a man in a relationship with a woman who has little or no interest in sex, live in the Los Angeles area and are willing to make a 3 month commitment to meet with me once a week in Pasadena, I would love to talk to you about being on my weekly audio podcast as a case study for recreating sexual connection in relationship.  You will remain anonymous, receive complimentary coaching, and will be given the tips and tools you need to bring your relationship and sex life to a whole new level in exchange for being on my show every week to discuss the intimate details of your life and share them with my audience on the Internet.

This weeks show addresses a common concern; early ejaculation. Many men and women want to know how to prolong their lovemaking. One fun and simple way to prolong sex is to incorporate other parts of your body, such as your mouth, tongue, hands and fingers into your sexual repertoire.  In other words, pleasurable and satisfying sex does not always require intercourse. However, if your goal is to make intercourse last longer by not coming as quickly, you will need to learn to relax and pay attention to the pleasure your feeling during intercourse.  Now, I realize this might be counterintuitive to thinking about your grandmother or baseball to stop you from coming too soon, but tuning out doesn’t give you ejaculatory control; it just raises your anxiety and interferes with your sexual pleasure. The key in learning to last longer is to focus on the sensations and pleasures you’re feeling and to increase your awareness to learn when you are reaching “the point of no return” (when ejaculation becomes inevetable). A simple technique teaches you to recognize the feelings you experience right before ejaculatory inevitability. Start by practicing this exercise daily during masturbation.  While masturbating, be aware of your level of arousal and back up or stop when you feel yourself reaching the point of no return.  Do this a few times before letting yourself ejaculate. This does take lots of practice, so be patient.  When you feel you’ve mastered it (when you can last for 15 minutes), you can then practice it with a partner.  This exercise combined with kegel exercises will give you more ejaculatory control.  You may start to notice improvement in weeks, but it usually takes months, so, again, be patient.  Remember to relax, breathe, and enjoy other forms of sex play…and don’t forget your Kegels (see betty Dodson epidode page).  My interview with Ian Denchasy gives some other great suggestions.  Perhaps a custom made cockring is just what you need? Other resources I recommend to learn more about rapid or premature ejaculation are Coping with Premature Ejaculation by Michael E. Metz, Ph.D. & Barry W. McCarthy, Ph.D. and/or the DVD You Can Last Longer by Sinclair Institute. You might also want to seek the help of a certified sex therapist. I’d love to hear your comments, questions and success stories!
Warmly,

Dr Lori

This weeks show is about talking to your kids about sex.  Do you remember how you learned about sex?  Many of us didn’t learn about sex from our parents, and don’t even know where to begin when it comes to discussing this difficult topic with our own children. How do we talk to our kids about something that we ourselves don’t feel comfortable talking about?  A good place to start is by listening to my interview with Dr. Ron Levine.  I think it’s one of my best.  And, I think you will enjoy and benefit from this information even if you don’t have children. Also, on the episode page is a fabulous list of books and websites to further increase your knowledge about this challangeing  topic.  I’d love to hear your comments on the show, and stories about how you learned about sex.

Warmly,

Dr. Lori

I usually hesitate when I make blanket statements about the differences between men and women.  Generally speaking, I believe that men and women are more alike than different. However, I recently attended a clinical workshop that addressed the gender differences and emphasized the need for us to appreciate and embrace them.  One of the topics discussed was how women long for connection, and typically talk to feel connected.  When they feel connected, they want sex.  Men on the other hand like to have sex to feel connected, then they’ll talk.  Do you agree with these statements?  Are we really so different? Other than the obvious physical differences, what gender differences are you aware of? I look forward to hearing your thoughts, and will read and discuss your comments and tell you my thoughts on a future show. Next week make sure to tune in to hear my interview with Paul Joannides, the author of “The Guide to Getting it On”.

Until next time,

Dr Lori

This is my first blog, and I want to take this opportunity to introduce myself and tell you a little about my show “On the Minds of Men”.  I am a sex therapist, educator, speaker, and sexual advice columist.  In my years of study and experience I have learned a lot about men, women, couples and sex.  However, as you will often hear me say…there is always more to learn about sex and I believe that there is always potential for growth in our relationships and our sexuality. 

“On The Minds of Men: uncensored sex talk” addresses the questions and concerns that many men have about sex, relationships, and women. I love being the host of this podcast…I increase my knowledge, have a great time, and most importantly I get to pass on this weath of information to you.  In each show I interview someone in my field that has taught and inspired me in my life personally and professionally, as well as some that have different views and/or opinions than my own. 

At the end of each show, I give you an exercise that you can do at home to add more intimacy, satisfaction, and fun to your relationship(s) and sex life.  My hopes are that you will listen with an open  mind…perhaps learn a thing or two, and take some risks.  I promise you, it will be worth your time and effort.

So, welcome to my blog and I hope you enjoy the show.

Till next week,

Dr. Lori