Joshua Zader, in Does Suffering Build Character? :: Mudita Journal asks: “Do you know friends or loved ones whose character has been improved somehow through the process of suffering?”
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I find it useful to say that Character is not built by what happens, but by how we respond to what happens. In that sense, suffering builds character, just like wealth builds character - the question is, is it the kind of character we want to live with? Those people with a beautiful character tend to become more beautiful in the face of suffering (or wealth). Unpleasant people tend to become even more annoying.

The advantage that suffering has over wealth is that it has far more potential to lead to another maligned concept: “humility.” I like to think of humility or being “humbled” as having an unrealistically positive self-image shown to be inaccurate in light of reality. In *that* sense (and not in the sense of jealous people getting to put you down so they feel better about themselves…), I think humility is a great thing, because reality is where all the really good stuff in life exists. Of course, humility isn’t the only road to increased contact with reality, but if it takes being humbled to get there, thank God for humility!

The art and artistry of life is to create beauty through the meaning we make and the actions we take.

That said, suffering can make us more humble, which makes our “character” (the consistent self that we act out in the world) more consistent with reality. It can lead us to remember that life is precious and short, and that we have the choice to focus on the good even in the face of challenges. In this case, suffering leads us to “suck it up,” and “carry on, carry on.” If that is the character it builds, then yes, lemons have been made into lemonade, and the character that did that is made more beautiful.

However, if suffering leads us to think that life itself is suffering, if it leads us away from an experience of a fundamentally benevolent universe towards a malevolent one…then the character it builds is one that you hide from at parties and sometimes even cross the street to avoid. A suffering person who does not suck it up, but suffers and complains…that character is ugly. In that case, suffering just sucks.

Mark Michael Lewis
http://aGameWeAllCanWin.com