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I know, I know. Just hearing that word gives me the willies. I am not sure if the cringing is more for me because my mother HAD ONE hanging in the shower when I was a kid growing up in Massachusetts or if because I heard those words used by everyone around me when expressing massive disdain for another person. Either way, I never thought I would hear those words again as adult - until Now.

I am in Chicago this summer and WOW do women here profusely use this word! “That guy over there - he is a huge Douche Bag - oh and his friend - he comes up to me and just starts dancing with me and puts his sweaty arm around me without even asking - what a Douche Bag”!! It sounds to me as though this term originated on the East Coast and is making it’s way across America and I have found it here in the midwest. I haven’t heard it used much in the Bay Area - or maybe I just don’t get out enough…

So not only do I hear the young, hip women and men using this term in casual conversation, I also saw a skit on Saturday Night Live (I told you I don’t get out enough!) where they created a game show to pick this year’s Top Douche Bag. It was pretty funny - and if SNL is making fun of it - it is something to make note of.
Today women (and men) are using this word to describe MEN. Not just any guy - a guy who seemingly “deserves” to be honored with such negative accolades. How would a guy even KNOW if he is a “Douche Bag”? He actually could take a test. He could look at videos on YouTube and if he still can’t figure it out, there is a poster depicting the telltale signs of a douche bag! And if you happen to run across a Douche Bag and want to alert the world, there is even a website where people and take pictures of these “Douche Bags,” post them and have them rated on DoucheBagAlert.com! Wild.
As funny as I thought this all was at first, it is a little dangerous too. Is this not just another way to judge and demean people? I looked at some of the pictures that people posted of men (And some women, gasp!) and I think it is all getting a little out of control, some of these guys look rather sweet and innocent to me.
From what I have learned from the Experts on my show, men are trying to PLEASE us, they want to WIN with us and deeply want our APPROVAL. I think the “Douche Bag” is a guy whose ego is out of control, where the person has lost touch with his/her heart, is deeply insecure and dreadfully afraid of being rejected. Why else would they be calling such attention to themselves in such obnoxious, sometimes mean and disconnected ways?

It seems as though these men need some guidance, some training in what Really works in life and with women. I don’t think men today (who have issues with successfully being with women) have solid male role models to demonstrate what really works with women and so they make it up and use trial by fire - guess with who?!
Ladies, if you want to do these men a favor (and as empowered women, it is a much more loving approach), instead of sending their pictures to a website to be rated, send them to the Authentic Man Program
or give them a book by David Deida ( I suggest the Way of the Superior Man).

And then we can really (gratefully) leave Douche Bags as a thing of the past!

Wow! I would not have known it was National Girlfriend’s Day if it weren’t for the amazing Debba Haupert, founder of Girlfriendology.com! What a great way to welcome in August and the fire that comes with Leo - send some love and energy to your girlfriends!
In my recent interview with the fun and informative founder, Debba Haupert, we see what the support of girlfriends can create! She is all about supporting women connect with each other and share inspiring stories so we KNOW all of our dreams CAN come true.

Check out our JFW Interview and listen in to why it is so important to stay connected to women in our lives and how to do that through Girlfriendology.com! She has a lot of great info, contests and ways to connect with women - so visit Girlfriendology.com today.

And for more great exercises, tools and wisdom in manifesting your dreams into reality - get your copy of my book Alissa’s Four Cornerstone’s to Living your Dreams today!

James McAvoy is all over media these days. His time has come. And it is well deserved. I have been in love with this man for a while now. He is gorgeous with his humility, bright eyes and easy way – not to mention a mesmerizing Scottish accent. Today I realized that (of course) it is not the man James McAvoy I am in love with so much as the kind of man he represents. James’ characters represent the Ideal Man.

His leading man roles depict the fantasy relationship most women dream about. His characters are men who love deeply, who will give up anything, change their lives, give their all to be with the leading lady and live happily ever after. He is the epitome of a man dedicated to love, to his passion for his lady and for upholding personal truth and honor all the while. Even though he plays the bad boy, we see his tender heart, which ultimately gets transformed by love. Underneath his rough and steely exterior, we see his sweet, innocent yearning, his dedication to honor, integrity and doing the “right” thing. A solid, truthful, underdog man who is completely in love with me!? Bring it on!

One of the hottest scenes in atonement is when he and Keira Knightly discover their affection for each other is mutual and he pins her up against the bookshelf and takes her. Now I know it looked a little rough and it IS Hollywood afterall, but it is that kind of hot, masculine “I am going to take you now” energy that I love experiencing so much.

I think the feminine heart aches for a man like that, who will love us through our resistance and walls. And still he has direction, conviction, passion and Boundaries. James McAvoy’s characters represent a kind of love that oozes passion, dedication, appreciation, faith, compassion, generosity and integrity among other things. From all that I am learning from the experts I interview on this show, I know that kind of love and dedication is possible in my own life with my real partner which makes the fantasy a little more real. And so I keep learning, loving myself, sharing my heart, take care of my soul’s needs and following my dreams. And in the meantime, I love being swept away by the characters James and his leading ladies play oh so well.

I am sitting here in the San Francisco airport waiting to fly to Chicago for a summer of the massage with Cirque du Soleil. Woohoo! I was feeling great, typing my notes from a course I just did over the weekend. Then it happened. A group of three women, employees with the airlines, sat down next to me and began talking. They weren’t just talking – they were complaining - and my whole world started to shift.

First I felt my body tighten and tension started creeping into my shoulders. That was because one of the women had a really high-pitched voice and when she got exceptionally passionate about her complaints, it was though a tea kettle full of boiling water was going off and my body literally cringed.

That was when it really sank in - how WOMEN are being, whether we realize it or not, can impact an entire room. I am more aware of this impact since the course I did over the weekend was all about Being a Queen. This course, created by Alison Armstrong is a MUST DO for any women ready to claim her power as a woman.

The impact of this course on me has been profound. I have whole new perspectives and approaches on how to live my life in service of others and myself. I realize the importance of taking care of myself and living my dreams. I learned what FEMININE POWER is and how to operate from that magical place. I learned the importance of radiating my beauty into the world. I got to experience a panel of men who have restored my inner knowing that men are LOVING, kind, truly truly want to provide for and take care of us, think we are gorgeous, and are doing the best they can.

The effects of complaining are covered in the course - it is a huge downer for all in earshot – it is a great way to KILL connection and intimacy with men. When men hear complaining, they don’t really know what to do, they are here to provide for us and when we are focused on what we don’t want and what we don’t like, it is really useless information for men who are designed to offer themselves in service of us. I whole new paradigm in thinking – I know!

I know we all need to vent sometimes, but I think complaining has become a common reaction to WHAT IS without a second thought to how that heavy, negative energy is going to affect us and those around us. We must rethink what we speak!

We are the life bringers. It is time women realized this gift, right and POWER. Celebrating Women: Ecstasy and Power is a timely course for women who want transformational information on how to restore themselves to full power from a center of being FEMININE.

AMEN!

Recently I interviewed Susan Urquhart Brown, author of The Accidental Entrepreneur about what it takes to be a success in the wild entrepreneurial world. Her message resonates with that of many of the Experts I have interviewed on Just for Women. There is just no escape. We are the creators of or world, our experience, our success, our failure. We are the authors of it all whether we want to take the responsibility for ourselves or not.

Suffering comes from relinquishing this responsibility to others and not stepping up and into our lives as the master creator. If we really take a look, it seems as though we perpetually unconsciously think we are somehow going to get what we want by chance, by avoiding taking action or waiting for someone else to do it. It is funny when we actually look into our complaints and issues - more often than not, we can see many places where we can take responsibility for the condition of a situation.

Everyday is filled with millions of moments where we can choose happiness, action, love, to give attention, to offer a smile, to extend a hand or a kind word. There is no one else who can do that for us. The amazing power we have to make up, change, and set our own MINDS on what we are going to do is one of the greatest gifts of being human! Let’s use the power of our minds to create success from the inside, out!
Tune into this great interview with Susan Urquhart Brown and be re-inspired to take action toward having the life and career of your dreams - you know, the one you REALLY want to have! : )

Like most entrepreneurial types these days, I don’t really have an office. I see massage clients in space I rent with a collective of healers. I see coaching clients in my apartment living room or we talk on the phone. As for doing deep thinking kind of work and getting my creative Groove on, I am at a loss to find a location that is calm, supportive and friendly.
I can no longer be at home. First off, I live in a gorgeous studio apartment with my partner, which is great but it is not enough SPACE for two. Second, I either start cleaning, eating or pruning the garden instead of digging to my newsletter, blog or interview preparation! It never fails! At first I thought I was the only one who suffered from “Workathomeitis” and the inevitable suck of the surroundings to distract one from their all important work in the world.  Not the case - whew!

Today I am sitting in a cafe called Ritual Roasters on Valencia in the Mission neighborhood of San Francisco. An Awesome place to get a great cup of coffee, espresso or a tasty pastry and sit among other hip, focused entrepreneurs blasting out their creative juices into the world like full, ripe Vermont blueberries dancing atop a slice of velvety New York cheesecake.

But therein lies the problem. As the music overhead RAGES on (some kind of crazy drum and guitar rift at 9:52am), I realize my choices are extremely limited when it comes to finding a place where I can connect and get energized by the energy of my fellow non-corporate comrades without being lured by the seductive fingers of highly acidic coffee and sugary pastry that serves to do little more than fill my body with ingredients that provide little-to-no nutritional value.
So I found this AMAZING company that creates office space for people like me who are in dire need of a healthy, calm, supportive “office” environment! They are called Sandbox Suites and they provide the kind of community and space my heart, body and mind have been aching for! I hope for all you entrepreneurs you have spaces like this in your neck of the woods! For now, I will listen to Coldplay, “Green Eyes” and drink chai and grace the world with my little piece of love offering. Ah, I love the internet. And Chris Martin. And…

Have you ever wondered why you keep repeating the same patterns relationship after relationship?

Are you tired of being frustrated with your partner and ready to look at what is REALLY going on?

Well, I know women are dealing with these kinds of issues (because I do too!) and I wanted some serious insight into how we can have more fun, love and intimacy for ourselves and in our lives - especially our intimate relationships.

Recently, I interviewed Janae Weinhold, Ph.D about her fascinating book (she wrote with her husband Dr. Barry Weinhold), Flight from Intimacy. Ladies, if there is one book you read this year on your journey to self-empowerment, have this be it.

This book is an in-depth, comprehensive guide to becoming aware of the unconscious behaviors you may be exhibiting in your life (and with your intimate partner - agghh!) that serve to destroy intimacy, keep you safe, confused and struggling.

The questionnaires and charts in this book alone, will open you up to a whole new world of awareness that when you look at it, you might not believe that behaviors you thought were “normal” are really behaviors that were learned at a very young age to survive and really no longer serve.

You will awaken to that fact that if we did not go through the natural processes of bonding and separation before, during and after birth properly, we are most likely trying to get these needs met unconsciously as adults. Herein lies many of the answers to the questions that might plague us in our intimate relationships!

So in honor of Father’s Day, I am writing about awareness of what our relationships with our fathers are and were like and how we can heal from them, if they were not healthy. For me, my relationship with my father was not very healthy until I took it upon myself to heal old wounds with him when I was in my 20’s. He did the Landmark Forum which altered his life and his approach to how he related to me and the rest of the family. Although he is no longer alive, I am so glad I got the opportunity to heal rifts with him before he passed on.

In reading Flight from Intimacy, I got to really look at unconscious behaviors I have assumed as an adult that directly related to not getting what I needed as a infant from my parents. This is not an excuse to now resent or disparage my parents, but rather a way to have compassion that they were doing the best they could at the time and now it is time for me to give Myself what I need to be whole.
I am happy that I can look back on my years with my father and focus on the one’s where we shared, loved and supported one another even though the childhood years were very different. If you have strife with your father or the men in your life, it is time to forgive and heal. In unity with millions of other women, we must take the lead to heal our wounds and thus promote peace on the planet. Peace, of course, comes from within, and this interview will give you a big leg-up in how to take the first steps.
Please tune in to this deeply mind expanding interview! Enjoy!

Tripp is a great, honest, open man who coaches men in being the best men they can be. In this “no bullshit” interview with coach and facilitator Tripp Lanier, we get some very straight talk about not only what women can do to be successful with men, but what kind of approach is really required. Not one to give shallow answers, Tripp offers us very insightful ideas to consider when going for all you want in your Love life.

In this interview we cover:

1. What is a “New Man” and what do we need to know about him?
2. Taking sex beyond the physical realm
3. The importance of your man being “seen”
4. Why receiving “well” is an important skill to hone

In this interview we address a question from one of the JFW subscribers. So, if you have a question or issue you have been wanting to ask about, or a topic you have been wanting to hear addressed on the show – let me know – I do respond and I will get your questions and comments answered! Thank you, I Love getting your emails, so please feel free to contact me at Alissa@personallifemedia.com