Every month I have the distinct joy and pleasure of helping to facilitate an amazing course called the Authentic Man Program offered here in San Francisco. This course serves men by supporting them in seeing what is in the way of their experiencing all the power, strength, self expression and love they know is inside of them, eager to be expressed.

During this life-transforming weekend, consistently one of the results we see is that men get in touch with the core wounds that have been (mostly unconsciously) in the way of them having the life, relationships and love they crave. We see them enter the course in a variety of places; tight, closed, scared, feigning joviality, and straight-up arrogant. So, what does this have to do with WOMEN? A lot.
We as women are not taught the REALITY about who men are (check out Alison Armstrong for more insight). We are taught (usually) or from experience, think that men are dumb, angry, scary, aloof, arrogant, competitive and that all they want is sex. While we see men acting out these ways of being in society, men are SO MUCH more than we know. Men are not taught to express their feelings and emotions, which is why many times they end up tight, closed and angry. Most men have experienced some kind of trauma in their lives and have absolutely no outlet for getting those hurts expressed and healed.
We as women (who deeply want to connect and love our men) have little practical training on how to be with our men when their triggers are activated. What it is important to realize is that there is a sensitive, smart, tender, eager to love and be loved man over there desperately trying to handle his life AND his emotions AND also figure out how to please US all at the same time. How intense!

As empowered women, it is our responsibility to learn who men are and how to effectively hold space for our men when they are being less than stellar with us. Men are really scared sh*tless to tell us what is really going on for them. Men have little experience with crying, collapsing and allowing themselves to feel the range of emotions that pass through them, just as they pass through us.

I see what a little space, understanding and love can do for a man. It is the fuel that he needs to “slay the dragon” and be our hero. WE have the power to elicit that kind of dedication with our dates, lovers and husbands. WE have the power to steer our relationships where we want them to go. We as WOMEN have that power. I say we claim it!

Tell me:
How do you put love on your man?
What do you do to help understand who it is your loving?
When was the last time you and your lover cried together? What is in the way?

I want to hear from you. What do you want to learn about men? What are your most curious questions about men? What do you want to know about what it takes to have a strong, loving, relationship with a man?