One of my BIG charges in life is to connect people with information, books, courses, and people who will change their lives. Debbie Ford is that kind of woman. It is SUCH a joy to have her on Just for Women and our latest interview is another riveting heart-opener that will leave you inspired to take action in your life!
I remember when I packed my car and drove across the country on my way to live in California, I had tears streaming down my face. I KNEW deep in my soul that there was more to life than I was living at the time. I had a good job, nice boyfriend, comfortable apartment in Cambridge, MA and still I knew there was something more I longed for.
I was “programmed” you could say, from parents, friends and society to think that what I had created was good enough. Why upset the apple cart? Why move so far away? You are supposed to be near your family. You are going to be so lonely out there. It is SO dangerous for a single woman to be out there on her own. On and on, but I had to honor the deeper longing in my heart that moving (on my own) to the Bay Area, was the best, most productive thing for ME.
Don’t get me wrong, I was scared to leave my comfortable life in New England, but it was more scary to me to stay and resign myself to a life that didn’t feel deeply fulfilling. We all need to FLY in our lives. It is so important for us to discover who we are beyond what our friend/work circles, parents and society say we should be.
It is time for us to learn how to not only discover our deepest desires and hidden truths, but to have the guts to make the changes NOW to live them!

Check out this powerful interview with Debbie Ford - I believe her words will touch your heart, stimulate your mind and inspire you into action!

Every month I have the distinct joy and pleasure of helping to facilitate an amazing course called the Authentic Man Program offered here in San Francisco. This course serves men by supporting them in seeing what is in the way of their experiencing all the power, strength, self expression and love they know is inside of them, eager to be expressed.

During this life-transforming weekend, consistently one of the results we see is that men get in touch with the core wounds that have been (mostly unconsciously) in the way of them having the life, relationships and love they crave. We see them enter the course in a variety of places; tight, closed, scared, feigning joviality, and straight-up arrogant. So, what does this have to do with WOMEN? A lot.
We as women are not taught the REALITY about who men are (check out Alison Armstrong for more insight). We are taught (usually) or from experience, think that men are dumb, angry, scary, aloof, arrogant, competitive and that all they want is sex. While we see men acting out these ways of being in society, men are SO MUCH more than we know. Men are not taught to express their feelings and emotions, which is why many times they end up tight, closed and angry. Most men have experienced some kind of trauma in their lives and have absolutely no outlet for getting those hurts expressed and healed.
We as women (who deeply want to connect and love our men) have little practical training on how to be with our men when their triggers are activated. What it is important to realize is that there is a sensitive, smart, tender, eager to love and be loved man over there desperately trying to handle his life AND his emotions AND also figure out how to please US all at the same time. How intense!

As empowered women, it is our responsibility to learn who men are and how to effectively hold space for our men when they are being less than stellar with us. Men are really scared sh*tless to tell us what is really going on for them. Men have little experience with crying, collapsing and allowing themselves to feel the range of emotions that pass through them, just as they pass through us.

I see what a little space, understanding and love can do for a man. It is the fuel that he needs to “slay the dragon” and be our hero. WE have the power to elicit that kind of dedication with our dates, lovers and husbands. WE have the power to steer our relationships where we want them to go. We as WOMEN have that power. I say we claim it!

Tell me:
How do you put love on your man?
What do you do to help understand who it is your loving?
When was the last time you and your lover cried together? What is in the way?

I want to hear from you. What do you want to learn about men? What are your most curious questions about men? What do you want to know about what it takes to have a strong, loving, relationship with a man?

As a Modern Love Coach committed to helping women (and men) expand their capacities to love, I often create terms that shed light on behaviors and thought patterns that kill the aliveness of love and relationship.

There is one syndrome I have coined that is especially insidious; I call it the “Box and Bow Syndrome.” This is a condition where we try (mostly unconsciously) to fit people we “love” into our cute, little box (with matching bow) of who and what we think they should be, how they should do things, and in what time frame or manner. I put “love” in parenthesis because we can see that in trying to change someone to fit into our neat and comfortable box of who we want him or her to be to make us feel more at ease, we are not really loving them at all.

This phenomenon is sneaky. Box and Bow Syndrome sneaks up on us like the beautiful, ominous morning fog, creeping ever so slowly and subtly in, until we can no longer see who or what is in front of us. Many times, we are so unconscious and conditioned to acting in this way, we do not see why employees quit, friends stop calling and lovers leave. Often it takes an outside perspective to even wake us up that Box and Bow Syndrome is happening at all.

In Loverships (relationships where love is the main focus) this is one of the most infectious of unconscious patterned behaviors – why? Because when one starts projecting their wants onto the other person, many times that person is so insecurely eager for the love of the other, they miss that Box and Bow is happening or completely ignore it all together. To face and feel the pain of another’s unconscious projections of how, why and where you “don’t measure up” is usually too hurtful to receive and digest. So we pretend we didn’t hear it or feel it and slip into a familiar slumber. And soon, we find ourselves, in order to protect our tender hearts, slowly making our own “suggestions” to our lover about what it is that we desire. If not caught, discussed and worked through, the relationship is soon over.

How then do we wake up as to whether or not we are inflicting this kind of unconscious judgment and overall rejection onto others? Ask yourself these questions:

1) Where do I offer unsolicited “support” my loved one by offering suggestions as to how he/she can change, be better, more of something/less of something?

2) Do I have stringent judgments about how this person is managing and living their life?

3) Can I open to this person’s point of view and accept it as my own?

Many times, if we look deeper into how, why and where we want to put people into a Box about how they “ought” to be, we start to see our own deep fears and insecurities that we are not willing to face in ourselves. We can start to see our own arrogance. We can start to realize our own ignorance. We begin to see we have forgotten the magnificence of this person. We start to discover and acknowledge they possess their own creative gifts; have special magic and talents, and why we love them. Here we find the truer meaning of Love – Acceptance. To accept others is to accept ourselves ~ herein lies the foundation of meaningful and powerful relationships.

Let me know what you think about this. How and where you are putting people in “boxes” and struggling with love? I want to know.

I know it is not common (and maybe even shocking to some) to think that going deeper in our sexual expression is access to living more fulfilled, happy, balanced and joyful lives. We are conditioned to work, work, work, take care of our lovers, take care of our kids, cook, clean, aaaaaaagggghhhhh! When the heck do we ever take the time to focus on deepening our knowledge and experience of our sexual expression? Are we even AWARE of the benefits of a healthy and active sex life? Do we even know the kinds of orgasm our own bodies are capable of having?

Well I have some NEWS you can USE my sisters! In an interview I did with Celeste Hirschman and Danielle Harel, amazing and informative Sex and Intimacy Coaches, we talked a lot about what exactly Sex Coaching is and how it can help transform your LIFE and give you access to incredible power. Sex and Intimacy Coaching with Celeste and Danielle is about designing sessions that are customized to match your unique goals and desires and can cover anything from:

Learning to express emotions (primarily anger, which Celeste says “is a gift of someones true feelings.” “Rage and resentment that go unexpressed turn to decay, we must work beyond it where connection and intimacy lie,” she adds.)

Understanding Somatic Intelligence - releasing trauma that can be held in body - having touch be more pleasurable.

Learning about the many types of Orgasm - clitoral, G-spot, anal, cervical, skin, heart, vaginal, multiple, etc. (!)

Discovering and experiencing the healing power of orgasm - energy exchange, connection, intimacy, emotional release, chemicals that heal your body, etc.

Access to hands on training - deep safety is created with words (talking), visualization techniques with clients being able to go beyond books and audio tutorials, into more specific demonstration and experience.

Masterbation - which Celeste says is any kind of loving touch, hugging, kissing, cuddling (Who knew?)

Learning that sexual energy is life force - learning to mend rifts between spirituality and sexuality, discovering they can co-exist in a healthy way! We can learn to free ourselves from denying our sexuality, and expand our curiosity and sexual experiences.

They also help men become better lovers! The men practice techniques with female support staff so they can come home to you and blow your body and mind open (a.k.a. YUM).

Please check out this GREAT interview with Celeste and Danielle and expand your mind, body and spirit today!

Post a comment and let me know what you think or want to share!

I don’t like when I hear that “men are dumb” because it perpetuates a perception of men that is not healthy or positive. After talking with Dr. Amir Sabongui in a recent interview, I see that even the smartest, most savvy of men will not always get what we need or want. Men are not dumb, they just are not women and they will never understand what it is like to be a flowing, deeply sensate, emotional, intuitive, sensual being with a million desires that change in every moment.
As empowered women who are completely responsible for our lives and the quality of our lives, it makes sense that we can benefit from understanding the nature of men. It is important for us to consider that men are naturally driven to fix things - men want us to be happy - men tend toward isolation - they are not intentionally pissing us off or making us crazy - that is choice WE get to make or not.

We treat men (and anyone) with attitudes that are borne out of our own minds, our own perspectives - that is why it is REALLY important to have clear information about who men are, what motivates and hinders them, what they need to feel supported and loved so they can unleash the kind of desire, attention and romance we deeply crave.
I really appreciate what Amir has to say about men and what men need to feel taken care of by women. This is the kind of information that will wake us up from our own innocent ignorance about men to help us have the sexy, yummy, fun and authentic relationships we are here to create!

Ladies, let me know what hot topics you want to hear about! 

One of the goals of this blog is to help women connect with their Inspiration, Turn On, Passion and Desire! One of the themes I hear over and over from the many Experts I interview, is that woman must have things in their life that they are passionate about. Not only that, we must nurture and give attention to our passions lest we become bored, lifeless and BITCHY - oh my!
Too many times we let our careers, our lovers, our families and friends take the majority of our precious energy, while we lose touch with what ignites OUR fires. Well, let me tell you, see that adorable guy dressed in all black with the spiky hair and cool black shades….THAT is JACKIE GREENE, someone I for one, am deeply Passionate about!
I first heard of JACKIE GREENE when he was opening for Susan Tedeschi at the Fillmore Theater in San Francisco a few years back. There he was thin, awkward and barely able to face the crowd, but when that young man opened his mouth to let out a boom that shook the room while railing on the guitar (and then switched to blast the harmonica), the crowd took notice. I never stopped following him.

My passion for Jackie’s musical talent and deep sensitive nature drew me to get somewhat close to him, a few times giving him bodywork before shows, so happy to learn a little bit more about this young prodigy from the outskirts of Sacramento. That was before he went on tour with PHIL LESH and was featured on the Conan OBrian late show!

My friends still laugh about how crazy I went over Jackie Greene when I first heard his music and felt his vibe. But that is what PASSION is all about - that totally wild, inexplicable draw toward someone or something that lights you up brighter than ever knew you could glow!

SO who or what are YOU passionate about? When was the last time you took some time to listen to your favorite music, learned a new dance technique, cooked a completely foreign meal for yourself?