In my interview with Kristine Catalina, going LIVE next week, she shares with us a shift happening among women who are realizing we have the power within us to create all we desire.

Kristine reveals that we as women have the power to “Steer” relationships in our lives – primarily with men. She supports us in seeing that we are not “separate” from each other; that to HAVE intimacy we need to GIVE intimacy (“in to me see”) and be strong enough to be vulnerable about who we are and what we truly desire.

Not only is it beneficial to KNOW what we want, it is also deeply important to ASK for it. Kristine shares with us a great 3-part exercise for ASKING for what you WANT she terms “The OREO cookie”:
1) Share something you genuinely appreciate about the person
2) Ask for what you are desiring
3) Acknowledge movement in whatever direction (even if it is a NO)

The important thing to practice is not being attached to any particular outcome but to just be grateful to have a person willing to listen to and consider a request.
In this interview, we talk candidly about the importance of Emotional Sobriety for women, the reasons we fear feeling our feelings and how we can learn to deal with intense emotion as it arises. We also discuss the beauty that is on the other side of allowing ourselves to be honest about how we are feeling in any given moment.

Kristine gives us a great exercise to help diffuse intense emotions by walking us through a simple process:
1) Allow feelings to come up
2) Scan body for sensations
3) Move energy (with breath, movement)
4) Let go, choose next thought

We talk a lot about MEN and how to relate effectively with them, what they want in a woman in order to be open to a life partnership with her and the devastating effects of our anger and disapproval have on them.

You don’t want to miss this VERY informative interview with one of todays great Relationship Experts! This interview offers you practical tools and deep wisdom to use in your everyday life.

Let me know what you think. What you like and don’t like and what you would like me to cover in the future!
Check out Kristine’s great site at (www.manwomanmadeeasy.com)

It is my distinct pleasure to be able to offer the REAL DEAL about what men really want (in and outside the bedroom), need and are inspired by in women. In this lively and deep interview with three male Relationship Experts, I was able to surface some beautiful insights about men I think will make a big difference in the lives of women.

ONE ~ Men blossom, shine and open up to a woman who is responsible for her emotions.

Please do not hear “don’t have emotions” but rather - be responsible for them. As Decker (www.authenticsf.com) states, “men are irresistibly drawn to a woman who is fully expressed in her emotions, it is magnetic…” So ladies, stop suppressing all you FEEL - men (SOLID men that are capable of creating a deep and powerful partnership) will be able to hang with ALL of you and your feelings.

Men need to be able to count on us to come back to a place of love and trust with them regardless of what might be happening for us in the moment. A man who can’t trust a woman to return to love (without blaming, berating or diminishing him in some way) is a scary prospect that many will not venture into relationship with.
TWO ~ A Man will be inspired to DIE for a woman who TRULY loves him. (Literally…)

Yes, I know that sounds dramatic and little intense - but I want you to get the level of devotion men are capable of when they feel the unwavering love and support of their woman. A man who is truly loved, accepted and honored by his woman will go to extraordinary lengths to please her and give her what she wants.
And the flip side is also a true - a man who is insulted, berated and not supported will turn vindictive, mean and rageful. Women have a HUGE say in where a relationship is headed and where it can go. As Neo Young (www.thecompleteattractor.com) points out “A man wants to be with a woman who loves HIM as much as she loves HERSELF.” Then he can trust (BIG for men) that she will be able to accept his desire as openly and securely as she accepts her own. A man freaks when he see’s a closed, unhappy woman - he see’s little opportunity to win.
LADIES!! That requires us LOVING ourselves DEEPLY and primarily! I am starting to see the remarkable opportunity it is to be a woman who is fully in love with and empowered by HERSELF. We are happier and men are more attracted to us! The work to do is to Love OURSELVES more. Ahh…

And as Andrew Bancroft (www.illbilly.com) aptly puts it “Meet a man where he is at.” We don’t need to change men or turn ourselves into pretzels to please them. “Just be YOURSELF, express and share the places you don’t think you will be loved for.” Amen.

Check out the interview!

http://personallifemedia.com/podcasts/just-for-women/episode009-real-deal-modern-men.html

I have done quite a bit of research on this subject ~ women finding “The ONE” - you know, the person who is going to be our Savior, lover, friend, confidante, fixer of all things broken, including (dare I say it…) us.

Yes, more and more ALL the experts, authorities, scholars, and even our own longing hearts are pointing us away from this external source of supposed security, eternal satisfaction and bliss and more toward a deeper relationship, one that will REALLY last forever, one that will be a thousand times more fulfilling because it is unshakable, unmistakable and probably the most difficult and unfathomably rewarding relationship we will ever have.

I am learning, The ONE we are seeking is the ONE reading this text.

The only ONE who will ever give us the satisfaction and bliss we are looking for is the one who is thinking our thoughts and executing our actions.
There is no “OTHER” person who is going to come along and solve all our problems, make all our wounds go away, teach us how to save and invest money, tell us what our purpose in life is and how to go after that.  We might think there is ONE person willing to do all of that - but that is a TALL order and I sure I don’t want a job like that.
At the Himalayan Festival in Berkeley over the weekend, it became clear to me among the Nag Champa, mala beads and statues of Buddha and Ganesh that Eastern cultures are all about honoring the arduous journey from one’s head to one’s heart.

I was reminded of the comfort that comes from taking a little time everyday to sit and be QUIET and just BREATHE.  I was inspired to re-activate my meditation practice with some amazing Nepalese amethyst mala beads that I heard calling to me from the way back of a long string of rose quartz and adventurine strands.  I am serious.  They whispered…”take me” and for the unbelievable price of $18 - I did!

So here I sit typing with my gorgeous new shiny purple beads vibrating my right wrist, a beautiful reminder that the journey I am on right now is into my own heart and soul. For only I can make myself and my life happy and full of joy. Only I can say for sure how this life experience is going to go.  In the face of whatever arises - I have choice.

WE can be the ONE we are seeking.  At home in ourselves, our wants, desires, dreams and plans.  There is no amount of external gratification that can fill us up better than us taking care of ourselves - in ALL ways.
No man (or any other person) outside of ourselves needs to carry the burden of coming along and being our Prince Charming, our White Knight, our financial stability.  Among the cedar trees, Mongolian dancers, Tibetan tankas, amazing Chai and silk dresses, I bought a ring for myself. I put in on my “Wedding Ring” finger.  A sparkling reminder that I my first commitment is to MYSELF, my ONENESS, my Inner Journey, and enjoying the bountiful love available in my own heart, for myself.

NAMASTE.

“Successful marriage is a highly valued goal for the majority of Americans. In fact, 93% of Americans rate “having a happy marriage” as one of their most important objectives in life, and more than 70% believe that marriage involves a lifelong commitment that should only be ended under extreme circumstances (Waite & Gallagher, 2000 ).

However, despite these desires for successful, life-long marriage, couples marrying for the first time in the United States continue to face a 40-50% chance of divorcing during their lifetime, with approximately two-thirds of these divorces occurring within the first 10 years of marriage (Clark, 1995 ).

These trends are compounded in that many distressed couples never divorce, remaining in non-satisfying relationships, conflictual relationships, or both (Notarius & Markman, 1993 ). The current state of marriage in the United States is troublesome, because a growing body of research shows that successful marriages promote mental, physical, and family health, whereas conflicted and unstable marriages undermine well-being and incur large social and financial costs for communities” (see Waite & Gallagher, 2000 , for a review).

As the Host of Just for Women, I make it a point to notice trend’s among the women I speak to and the Experts who toil to deliver answers and insight to help relieve some of the mystery and pain of being a woman in today’s society.  One burgeoning concept is a new form of relationship I will call “Lovership.”

Many of the Relationship Experts I interview offer information that helps women successfully navigate today’s dating world and then into “how to make love last.” The concept of consciously, boldly creating exactly the kind of “form” you want to have with another is a rather new concept.  But as women continually find and free their hearts, voices and genitalia, it seems to make perfect sense.

“Loverships” are relationships that are created after the 3rd or 4th date when two people (same sex or opposite sex) consciously start conversations to create what’s next.  Mostly people do or want to start having sex at this point.  Many people are not talking frankly with each other about what the might entail.

Aymee Coget, Happiness Expert and Relationship coach is one of the leading experts openly talking about Lovership and her use of it in her own life. “Lovership is based on passion, romance, excitement, giving, receiving, and exploring sexuality with another.  It allows for exploration and communication without judgment… it allows us space and time to cultivate passion, to cultivate communication and trust before we move into Partnership.”

She goes on to outline some of the cornerstones of Lovership:
Passion Index (listen to interview for full description)
Romance
Honesty
Sexual Desire
Giving/Receiving
Check out the full interview this week on Just for Women, it is quite interesting.

I am applying this concept myself in my own LOVE Life and it is quite eye-opening.  Even discussing the idea of creating a Lovership helps you get REALLY clear very QUICKLY about what you want and if the person across from you is willing and able to provide it.  It requires maturity, emotional sobriety and no attachment to any particular outcome.  Loverships are really about LOVE in the deepest meaning of the word.

Stay tuned for more insight into Loverships, Alpha Females, Cougars and other terms being tossed around these days as we try to get a handle on what is happening among “waking” women in society today.

I would love to hear your comments about LOVERSHIP ~ please let me know your thoughts!

I am learning SO MUCH from all the courses I have taken through out my life - especially the Authentic Woman Experience I was in last weekend. I feel like Luke Skywalker when he finally realizes the FORCE is inside of him and he actually HAS CHOICE over his thoughts and the how he will use this powerful, creative energy inside of him. Thank God/Goddess I feel that way too!

Yesterday I was able to see from a bird’s eye view the “interesting” familial dynamics I grew up inside of that molded and shaped my strong sense of competition, not feeling loved nor accepted by family and my deeply rooted anger (aka mask for sadness and hurt) that has haunted me throughout my life. I am SO happy to be able to talk about this with such calmness and clarity! I feel as though after years of swimming, flailing and almost drowning, I have finally made it to the shore where I can rest in my own self-love and acceptance.
So I call my mother to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day. She got her flowers the day before and we spoke then, but I still felt the need to call her ON THE DAY - if you know what I mean. She is playing with my 1.5 year old niece Lilah, feeding her a cheese sandwich. I feel a twinge of closure and sadness as they laugh together and I feel my guilt for not being closer to Boston to be a part of Lilah’s growing years. I also practice deep breathing as I feel the void of being single.

I notice that Mother’s Day brings up emotions for EVERYONE - not just mother’s. Soon my mother is in tears telling me all the things she should be telling her other children directly. We all (my entire family) serve as sounding boards for all the communications we are too afraid to tell each other directly. Even though we are all aware of it and try not to perpetuate it - it is like an energy field that sucks you in from the word “hello” and holds onto until your heart is pounding and you are so enrolled in what the other person is saying, you are in full agreement at how awful “said” person is being.

As I feel my heart’s pace quicken, I remember to breathe (deeply) and not try to fix anything. I am here to listen. So I do. I offer some suggestions that get shot down and realize it is time for me to get off the phone. I do. I saved myself.

Later I get a call from my sister to who tells me my mother was too scared to tell me that she doesn’t want me to go on vacation with her when I come to Boston to visit this summer. Oh, excuse me ~ was that a knife I just felt slice through my heart? I got off the phone and let myself feel the hurt of my sister’s words.

This is why I live 3,000 miles away. But now I have learned to FEEL my FEELINGS and let that sadness and hurt wash through me lest it get stuck and turn to rage as it has done many times in the past.

I call my mother AGAIN and calmly ask her why she couldn’t tell me the truth when we spoke earlier. She said I was welcome to come with her but then gave me few of her concerns born out of years of living a life of fear and scarcity. I heard her. I did not get upset. I heard the fear she lives in. I loved her “from HER point of view” - something my Tantric Buddhist teacher Kali Ma taught me (www.mahasiddhas.org).

I am not sure when I will go and visit or what me and my family will do together this summer - but I do know that I am no longer willing to stuff my feelings and pretend that some of the perspectives and words directed at me from my family don’t rip my heart out.

I believe I chose my family to learn some deep and profound lessons from in this lifetime. Then the interactions with them become fun and curious to me. Love and compassion are much easier to access when I deal with the feelings in front of me and allow myself to be open, vulnerable, and accepting. My family is my greatest gift, a fertile ground for feeling ALL my feelings, seeing where I get stuck, when and how I close my heart and they provide the biggest opportunity to grow.

I love my mother. She is kind and funny and stronger in spirit than any other person I know. I forgive her for the unconscious ways she hurts me. I have compassion for the life she lived (in the Depression, with polio that left one leg shorter than the other, with an alcoholic father and a mean mother). I choose love.

My sister called while I was writing this to say she thinks I “misunderstood” her yesterday on our call. She wants to talk to me. Ah, communication. That feels better. I am glad to be able to use this FORCE inside of ME (that is inside of YOU) for good, growth, love and connection. It wasn’t always that way - and we KNOW what happened to Darth…..we do have choice. My light saber is down - and off.  Where is yours I wonder?

Some people are on this planet to struggle and fight and argue and complain.  Others are here to constantly “work on” themselves but never really get to “the other side.”  And some people are here to be pioneers in helping others heal, open their hearts as wide as possible and LOVE MORE.

Meet Shana Weinstein and Alexis Sheppard, the phenomenal creators and leaders of a transformational workshop for women called The Authentic Woman Experience.  I had the distinct pleasure of attending this workshop over the weekend and it has changed my life, my perspective and how I relate  to myself as a woman.

Using a brilliant model of how we grow and develop as adult women (and all the pitfalls therein), Shana and Alexis engaged us in POWERFUL exercises that challenged the very core of who we knew ourselves to be.  The model starts with Ebodiment and Expression (allowing your feelings to be acknowledged and FELT) and moves into Trust and Surrender.  From there we explored Desire and Pleasure and after we moved in Fulfillment.  The culmination of the model is RADIANCE - something I think all women strive to reflect in their lives.  After this weekend, I do feel RADIANT.  I feel confident, loved, supported and SEEN.  I feel ALIVE.  I feel there are no walls between me and my huge, loving heart and the rest of the world.  And even if there are some up at a given moment, that is OK - I completely accept and honor ALL of my emotions, in the moment I am having them. Total YUM.
This course is limited to twelve women maximum to keep the intimate nature of the group alive.  I really enjoyed the power of a smaller number of women and the most loving, attentive support staff on the planet.  I felt as though I had 6 mothers taking care of me at all times.  It was deeply moving.

One thing I LOVE about being the host of Just for Women is that I get to talk to the most interesting and provocative leaders of our time. I get to learn about and participate in some of the most penetrating work available to women in the world.  It is my passion and my deep pleasure to participate in and bring to you work like this that will serve you and change your life forever.

Please tune in and listen to the interview I did with Shana and Alexis (professional relationship coaches and founding members of www.AuthenticSF.com) entitled “Five Principles for Becoming a Radiant Woman” on Just for Women.  And please, if you do any kind of transformational work this year - do the Authentic Woman Experience - you WILL have a PROFOUND shift in the way you relate to yourself, to women, and yes - to the MEN in your life as well.

Shana and Alexis even offer a discount to Just for Women listeners!

Click the special button “Ask about a discount for Just for Women listeners” under “RELATED LINKS” on this page http://personallifemedia.com/podcasts/just-for-women/episode003-alexis-shepperd-shana-weinstein.html
NAMASTE.

What was NEW about the “New Living Expo” this year? ALOT. IF you aren’t aware, the New Living Expo is the annual “hippy-fest” (as I lovingly refer to it) that arrives right on time every spring offering us the best, most provocative breakthroughs in Consciousness, Sustainability, Alternative Health, Energy and Body work and all things Metaphysical. It is intense ~ and always provides an indication of where we are headed as a “collective consciousness.”
This year I noticed a shift. Among the perennial crystal jewelry offerings, aura readers, body workers and hemp clothing manufacturers, I noticed slightly different themes this year:

YOU as manifestation of Spirit.

And the Power of Female Orgasm.

I thought with the popularity of “The Secret” (YOU can change your life by focusing your attention and thoughts toward what you want) I would have seen more self-help leaders clamouring for our attention with “their unique twist on how the Secret REALLY works.” But there was little of that. It seems that concept was old hat to this crowd.

This crowd was interested in hearing how we are a manifestation of Spirit (for REALS) and about the peace and harmony that come from deepening a woman’s Orgasm. LADIES ~ WE HAVE ARRIVED.

I noticed bold, new faces at the Expo this year:

Beyond Education (www.beyondeducation.org) - Erwan Davon and Alicia Bayer offering “Extended Full Body Orgasm”
One Taste (www.onetastesf.com) - offering an entire community living a life of Orgasmic Exploration
Susan Campbell (www.susancampbell.com), who has a very informative interview on Just for Women was there too! I got to hear first hand about her Truth in Dating skills - an interview you DONT WANT TO MISS!

All in all I had great fun. My only regret is that I missed Marianne Williamson speak. I heard she was amazing. No worries, I will have her on the show - of that I AM SURE.

Keep DREAMING, INTENDING, TAKING BOLD ACTION AND GIVING GRATITUDE FOR ALL THAT YOU HAVE!
Namaste ~

Alissa