This is a reprint from an email from Adam Gilad, the host of The Fearless Lover show on Personal Life Media. Adam is producing David Deida’s events. Tim and I recently went to the Ecstatic Intimacy event in Marin, CA.

The email below is a beautiful treatise on the status of the “pick up artist” movement from Grant Adam’s perspective. Whether you are a single or married man, please read this and buy David Deida’s book, Way of the Superior Man. I’ve read it, and so has my husband, and it’s had a profound effect on our relationship.

And enjoy Adam Gilad’s show too. Here is a list of his recent episodes:
- Episode 16: Celebrating the Masculine and Feminine with Rajyo Markman and Britta Johnson
- Episode 15: Learning Practical Steps to Decouple Fear From Our Moment-by-Moment Choice-Driven Evolution with Guy Finley
- Episode 14: Love Beyond Your Story with Jim Dreaver
- Episode 13: How Spiritual Grounding Supplies What Therapy Can’t with Richard Platt
- Episode 12: Spiritual Love Relationships
- Episode 11: The Obvious”
- Episode 10: “Follow The Love” Part 2 with Gino Yu
- Episode 9: “Follow The Love” Part 1 with Gino Yu
- Episode 8: Rabbi Bradley Artson
- Episode 7: Rumi’s Secret. Part 2 This is part 2 of an interview with Author/Teacher Will Johnson. more.
- Episode 6: Rumi’s Secret. Eye-Gazing and Melting into Oneness - Part 1
- Episode 5: The Gift of the Masculine: Pt. 3
- Episode 4: The Gift of The Masculine: Part 2
- Episode 3: David Deida and The Gift of The Masculine
- Episode 2: The Track of Love and The Track of Fear
- Episode 1: Fearless Love and Living an Inspired Life
Fearless Lover: The Spiritual Foundations of Present, Boundless and Enduring Love
Email from Grant Adams regarding the Pick Up community vs. the Superior Man:
Hey there…
Did you hear about this?
Last year, David Deida did something no one expected him to do: go to a small gathering of guys who style themselves as Pick Up Artists. You know, thems of the pointy shoes, gelled, spiky hair, snappy, packaged comebacks and gaudy jewelry.
And he spoke to them about how to be successful with women.
What? Huh?
Does that even make sense? Do they even speak the same language?
I mean, lets step back and look at who’s standing in these two corners…
In one corner, David Deida is the rigorous spiritual practitioner who teaches men and women how to give the gift of themselves fully as a moment-by-moment offering of love. He teaches life as a daily practice of opening into the depth of your heart, a Yoga of Life and a Yoga of Sex lived in such a way that if you were to die today, you would die complete.
In the other corner, it’s the PUA’s, who have a reputation of just wanting to collect phone numbers from drunk bar girls and show their buddies how many numbers they’ve collected (from what I’ve seen, that’s all-to-often how far the success goes).
You would think Deida would scorn the PUA world as shallow and dumb.
But Deida is a man of many surprises.
And let’s face it - not all self-styled PUA’s are preening, venal predators. Most are guys who just want to improve their social skills with women — and are looking for direction from anyone who claims they can help them,
I personally am hoping the whole PUA nomenclature will fade away, will evolve into something more poweful, more leaderly, more masculine.
Watch closely over the next year as I lead guys away from the bar-weasel world to the world of the spiritual warrior. If you’ve been reading me at all, if you’ve met me - you know that there is a
depth and a power to cull from your heart, from your strengths as they exist now, and from your innate abilities that is FAR more powerful than the hocus-pocus hawked by the sketchiest of pua teachers.
Here’s the bottom line:
Pick-up is — at its best — a scaffolding for men who haven’t stepped into their true masculine power. Maybe they don’t think they are ready, maybe they just need to break through shyness.
Hell, when I got divorced — I had no idea how to approach a woman other than show her my kids’ baby pictures and let her know what a caring dad I was, baseball coach and all — that was
basically the core of my self worth.
I honestly wasn’t aware of what else I had to offer as a man, no matter what my female friends told me. I felt awful about myself. I needed scaffolding.
And maybe you do too, now in your life. There’s no shame in it.
Learn how to approach vulnerably and with humor. Learn how to gear up a conversation. Learn how to create sexual polarity. Learn how not to be too much of a doormat, while not being a jerk.
These are reasonable skills and do take practice for plenty of men.
And I respect any guy who gets back on the field and tries and tries again, until conversing with a beautiful woman is as natural as talking to sweet old granny. Simply human to human.
You practice skills — until you know who you are. Until you are comfortable in your own, genuine strength.
Once you like yourself, you like your life and you know that when you approach a woman, you are nothing but a gift to her life rather than a needy attention vacuum, then the need for the scaffolding falls away naturally.
From my point of view — and I’m curious about your opinion on this — the whole PUA thing is learning to mimic, to wear the trappings of masculine allure for guys who don’t really own that sense of power for themselves yet.
So, at best, it’s a stage. It’s scaffolding. It’s training wheels.
At it’s worst, however, if you don’t outgrow it, it is a dead end for your own growth, and an ongoing way to hurt women by manipulating them. As Neil Strauss said it himself at the end of
his book, The Game: everything he learned about pickup ruined him for relationship.
Never forget that part!
Now, David Deida, unlike cowards, prudes and stuffshirts of all kinds, doesn’t see the whole movement as reprehensible. He gets that men are reaching out for help in this somewhat confusing time.
He knows better than anyone that men have become “feminized” over the last 40 years and don’t often know how to step deeper into the masucline without stepping BACK into the jerky, repressive, dismissive masculine of earlier times.
In fact, he even commented to me that he LIKES talking to the “Seduction Community” such as it is, because at least the men in it are honest about one thing: they want to succeed with women AND they are actively willing to learn about themselves and about women.
He likes that they go to conferences. That they get on teleseminars. That they put their money where their intentions are and get out there and test their edges.
Most guys never take the risk. Never step up at all.
Now, of course, Deida offers an alternative to the hectic, squirrely sniff-and-peck, cock-of-the-walk hunt and gather of the dumbest ends of the pick up community.
And it’s true, when you get into Deida work, that kind of pua stuff looks like playground scrambling.
The alternative that Deida offers, I would call a kind of GRANDEUR.
Grandeur of vision. Grandeur of practice. Grandeur of intention…
… Grandeur of living.
Enjoy this brief clip from David Deida’s talk to a PUA gathering last year. It is but a small taste of grandeur.
For a bigger taste, get on his event list, DeidaEvents.com
David Deida offers a way of BEING that will make you naturally attractive to quality women — such that you don’t have to DO anything weird at all.
So that you can leave the scaffolding behind and step into your fullest, most powerful manhood.
Here is where to listen to the clip:
http://www.deidaevents.com/clips/deidainfo/youngmen.php
If you like what you hear and want to learn more about David Deida and what he can teach you — once again, go to www.DeidaEvents.com and get on his list for events and for other online offerings.
He has a live event in September — and I’ll be there.
The man and his brilliantly articulated ideas changed my life — and the lives of hundreds of guys and women I know.
Check him out.
And create some grandeur….
Your Friend,
Grant Adams
p.s. — if you haven’t bought Deida’s book, The Way of the Superior Man — go buy it NOW on Amazon.
p.p.s - remember, go sign in at DeidaEvents.com to see what he’ll be doing soon.